the stories of my life...

Green Camaros

2009-10-09T14:03:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Round Rock. Parked along the street outside there is a 1995 (I think) forest green Camaro. Remember when forest green was the "in" color? It was so popular you could get anything in forest green; sheets, towels, furniture, and even Camaros.

Anyway, this particular make and color of car brings back memories for me. Two of my friends in high school had forest green Camaros. Paula, who ended up being my sister-in-law, and one of my brother's best friends, Dale, both had Camaros of this particualr year and color. There were some slight differences in their cars. If I remember correctly, Paula's was a standard and Dale's an automatic, and I think Paula's had tan leather interior, and Dale's had gray cloth. But none of that is really all that improtant I suppose. Nevertheless, here are a few memories I have of riding in these particular cars.

First of all, I think I only ever rode in the back "seat" of both of cars, since chances are my brother was probaly in the front passenger seat of either car during these trips. I use the term "seat" loosely. "Shelf" may be a more appropriate term. I have one distinct memory from my perch atop each car's shelf.

At some point in the life of Dale's Camaro, which he affectionately named "Hot Rod", he installed a large subwoofer in the back. After installing said subwoofer he also obtained at least one CD completely comprised of bass. Sometime after this my friend Michelle and I had the privelege of riding on the shelf, very near the subwoofer, when Dale put the bass CD in. I don't know if you have ever had a simialr experience, but I could feel the bass to the core of my body. It was so intense, I think I begged him to turn it off. It was more than I could handle.

On another occassion, while on the shelf of Paula's Camaro, she decided to race Dale on the highway. All I really remember from this experience is that once I looked at the speedometer which was reading something over 100 miles an hour, I ducked my head and laid over on the seat, unwilling to watch us crash and die. Thankfully, nothing really happened, except, I'm pretty sure we beat old "Hot Rod" that night.

I realize this conversation about green Camaros is rather random, but it wouldn't be my blog without a little randomness every now and then.

Camping in the Rain

2009-09-15T09:24:00.000-05:00

This past weekend it FINALLY rained in central Texas! We have been experiencing drought conditions for quite awhile now, so the rain was much needed, and quite welcomed. It would have been almost completely perfect had not my family and I planned to be camping at Bastrop State Park this weekend. While it is true that we “camp” in a fully-equipped trailer, it is also true that most of our normal camping activities are inhibited by intermittent rain. Typically, my brother cooks the meat for all of our meals on the park provided grill/fire pit. Since this is what he usually does, this is what he had planned to do this weekend. On Friday night, it was my job to help him cook in the rain. What was my assigned task you ask? Why none other than to hold the umbrella over him and the pork chops which were hovering over the charcoal fire, while also attempting to stay somewhat dry myself. I can tell you, with certainty, that neither my brother nor I remained dry, but the pork chops did, and were actually cooked rather well. It was miraculous to say the least.

It rained off and on Friday night, and while it was overcast and damp on Saturday morning, it wasn’t actually raining, so we set out for a hike. It was quite a nice hike at the beginning. Not too hot, not too many drastic altitude changes, and quite beautiful. But things went downhill from there. Actually they went uphill to be more precise. It was still beautiful, it was slightly warmer, but there were drastic altitude changes. I did my best to keep up, but this overweight, asthmatic girl was certain she was on the cusp of passing out more than once. I honestly don’t know how many times I stopped to catch my breath and rest on the way up the crazy hill. Thankfully my compassionate daddy stopped with me every time. My brother offered to take my hand to help me up the hill at one point, but what he didn’t realize was, I didn’t need a hand, I needed a new lung and an instant liposuction.

Eventually I made it to the top. Huffing and puffing and gasping for air, I collapsed on the steps of this strange stone structure which on the map was labeled as a “kiosk”. I always thought a kiosk was one of those carts they sell stuff from in the middle of the hallway at the mall. But I digress. I didn’t actually care what this thing was called, only that it provided a much need respite from the hike of death. Incidentally, we were not the only people gathered in this area of the park. The kiosk was situated near the “Scenic Overlook” where a group of people were gathered. At first, I thought they were just having a church service, which was weird enough, but then I realized they were actually having a memorial service. Double weird. I mean, it was a beautiful place and all of that, but it was also a very public place.

Needless to say, we ate our snack, drank our weight in water and Gatorade, and set off on our return trip, which was thankfully downhill most of the way. There was a brief altitude change upward on the trip back to the campsite, at which time I turned to my brother, the leader of our happy pack, and told him that if we had to climb up one more hill, I was going to punch him. Thankfully I did not feel the need to deliver on that threat.

Two and three quarter miles later we made back to our campsite at which point it began to rain. And then it rained some more after lunch. And then it rained some more after that. And when I say it rained, what I really mean is it POURED. It was still raining when it came time to cook dinner, at which time my brother miraculously remembers that he has a small grill in his possession, and that he can use it to cook our hamburgers under the awning of the camper. I don’t know if you recall how we cooked the pork chops in the rain the night before, but I can assure you it did not involve COOKING UNDER AN AWNING!

Usually when we are camping we have a campfire in the evenings. My nieces love it, and it really is fun to sit around the fire together and roast marshmallows. But the rain squelched any hopes for a campfire during this trip. So my brother told my nieces they could roast marshmallows over the stove top of the camper. This sounds like a nice alternative, right? It was nice, right up until the moment when my sister-in-law’s roasted marshmallow flew off her roasting fork and into the hair of my five year old niece Megan. Megan was relatively ok. Her hair was all gummed up with melted marshmallow, and there was a very small, slight burn on her cheek, but otherwise she was ok. She didn’t even cry, which is quite miraculous. Thankfully it was bath time right after marshmallow roasting, so she was good as new in no time, with only a slight pink circle on her cheek to show anything had happened.

It rained more Saturday night, but I think I slept through most of it. The hike of death had worn me out. I awoke Sunday morning to my niece Megan wanting out of bed. This may be a good time to tell you that I sleep in a room with my three nieces when we are camping. Emily sleeps above me, and is big enough now, with long enough legs to climb in and out of her bunk bed on her own. Megan, who sleeps in the top bunk across from her, is not. By the way, there are no ladders for these bunk beds, so, when Megan wants down in the mornings, she calls for me until I sleepily climb off my bed on the floor and gather the strength to stand to my feet and lift her down. Depending on what time my nieces wake up, I usually have 15-30 minutes with them, before their mom and dad are out of bed. On this particular Sunday morning, I had the joy of lying in my bed with my older two nieces, Emily and Megan, watching the blue screen on their small bedroom TV. Why would you watch a blue screen you ask? Why, to wait for the sleep timer to turn it off, of course. This particular TV was unable to receive any channels, so all we had was the blue screen. Now to you and me, a sleep timer on a TV is mundane and ordinary. But to a 7 year old and a 5 year old who have never experienced a sleep timer, it is exciting to watch it count down. For me, the only excitement there was concerning the sleep timer was when their mom came in with 2 minutes left on the timer and almost turned the TV off without knowing the chaos she was about to cause. Thankfully I cut her off at the pass and they were able to watch the TV turn itself off. Without question, it was a grand morning in the bunkhouse of joy.

All I can say about our camping trip in the rain is that it could have been worse. There were people who were tent camping in the same conditions. I gotta tell you, if that had been the plan for our weekend, I would have bailed before I was even supposed to leave my house.

Some Recent Thoughts

2009-09-01T16:40:00.005-05:00

For the last few days I have been seriously considering the possibility that my main issue is I want things I know I can't have. Well, duh. What I is that, maybe I just want those things so much right now, because I know that I can't have them right now.

Sometimes I think my brain confuses the concept of "right now" and "ever" and that causes me to be very discouraged. I am trying to remind myself that just because something is a certain way now, doesn't mean that it will be that way forever. I am trying to live more in the moment that in the uncertainty of the future. It's hard for me, but I'm trying.

I'm a planner, so for there to only be a day by day or weeek by week plan, frustrates me. I want to see and plan for years in advance, but unfortunately I can't.

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Matthew 6:30-34 (MSG)

One funny occurrence in the last week or so...I went to IKEA the other day, to browse and to get a new 2010 catalog. I was so excited about getting the catalog that I must have just lost all conscious thought, because when I got home I realized I had picked up a Spanish IKEA catalog! The pictures are all the same, and I can make out some of the words thanks to all those days of Spanish class in high school and college, but it's just not quite the same.

Warning: You May Find this to Be Depressing

2009-08-18T15:16:00.004-05:00

I wish I could write about some funny things that have happened recently, but not a lot of funny things are happening. The last month or so has been difficult, to say the least. Sometimes I hesitate to write about my struggles or difficult moments, because my prideful heart thinks there is an image to maintain. Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I have to be perfect and always funny. The truth is though, I am neither of those things, and writing is somewhat therapeutic for me. I have decided it really is ok for people who care about me to know where I'm at and how I'm doing. So, with that said, I will tell you these things.

In July I spent a week in Missouri, mostly at the hospital, with my grandma, who is dying. It feels strange to even type those words, but it is true. It started with pneumonia and while the pneumonia is gone, it has left her body weak and depleted, beyond a point of recovery. She is at home now, with hospice care, and my mom is there with her, helping to care for her. For the most part, she is still my grandma in thought and speech--sharp and wise and funny--but she is now almost completely inactive and spends most of her days sitting in a recliner. Some days it is hard for me to comprehend that she is slowly dying, and other days, the reality of it comes rushing into my heart more quickly and forcefully than I can deal with. It is a strange place to find yourself in when you want more than anything for someone to be at peace and in heaven with Jesus, while simultaneously longing for more days to spend with them.

I find that I am making it through most days without dwelling on my grandma's condition, but true to form, if I'm not dwelling on the heaviness of that situation, I am dwelling on something else that has been plaguing me for a while now.

I thought that by the time I was 31 years old (uggh...31), I would have a better life plan, but so far, I find myself questioning, on almost a daily basis, where my life is going, and if it is anywhere close to on course. Most days, I like my job. There are difficult moments to be sure, but overall it is a pretty good job. I do not however see myself doing this long term, maybe for a couple more years at the most. Which leads me to, well, what then? If not this, then what?

The truth is, that I am growing weary of dealing with other people's problems. That probably sounds really terrible, but it's the truth. And the worst part of it is, I have a feeling that somehow I will never escape this, that on some level, people will always come to me with their problems.

Some days I even think that I don't want to be involved in ministry anymore. But I'm not sure I can turn it off. Truthfully, even when I am not faithful, I still find myself involved in ministering to others and being used by the Lord, even when I could care less if I'm being used of not.

And then there are these nagging desires that I have, desires that I know will never be fulfilled as long as I continue in the job that I have now. I admit, they are eternally insignificant and perhaps simply selfish, but they are nevertheless, very real. I want to have my own house someday and I really want to have a dog. Currently, my job is an in residence only kind of job, and we are not allowed to have pets.

I suppose these desires may change, but for now, I'm clinging to them pretty tightly. Some days I feel like they are the only desires I haven't already given up on.

Fertilizer, Gunpowder and Mascara

2009-07-15T19:05:00.002-05:00

Any guesses what these three things have in common? I'll give you a hint: it has something to do with bats.

That's right I said bats. And as you might have guessed I am not referring the baseball variety, but rather to the strange, winged mammals I went to see last night.

There is a bridge in Austin (the Congress Ave bridge to be exact) which houses the largest urban bat colony in the United States (or is it the world?). Well, whatever the case, it is a HUGE amount of bats. It was quite a sight.

So, anyway, I, along with some pals from work, went on this "tour boat" to see the bats on their nightly exit from the bridge. They leave around the same time every night to go hunt insects. And every time you thought, surely that's all of them, a whole other herd of bats would come fluttering out from underneath the bridge. They were coming out right at sunset last night so from time to time their wings would catch the sunlight and from far away they looked like glitter floating in the sky. Who would have thought bats could be beautiful? I actually thought that last night, and this was even after one had pooped on my leg! No big deal though, the poo landed on my pants, not my bare skin and it was so tiny, it was hardly noticeable. It was easily flicked off and thankfully my friend Cristy had some antibacterial stuff with her, so all was well.

Now, you may have figured out the riddle, but in case you haven't here is the answer: fertilizer, gunpowder and mascara are all things that bat guano (poo!) is used to make.

I have to say, I hesitated a little this morning before putting my mascara on, but I decided that I love mascara way too much to give it up. Besides, surely it is sanitized in some way before it makes onto my mascara wand, right?

The Haunting on the Hill

2009-06-01T13:39:00.003-05:00

In case you don't know, my house sits on a small hill. It's a beautiful house and it's a beautiful hill.

The things happening inside though, are not so beautiful. My clients are convinced that we have ghosts. I however, since I don't really believe in ghosts, don't know what to make of these strange occurrences.

Cabinet doors and kitchen drawers are coming open on their own. Children are afraid to go to sleep at night. People have seen what they think are ghosts. There's more to it, but I can't divulge too much about people's personal lives.

Honestly, it's all a bit creepy, but after consulting some people who are wiser than me, I have concluded that if it is anything non-human, it is probably a demon.

For some strange reason that makes me less uncomfortable than the idea of the ghost of some dead person.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm still scared out of my wits. I mean, let's face it, I'm afraid of the dark even when I don't think there could possibly be anything harmful in the dark. When you think there could be something harmful in the dark, the fear kicks up a few notches.

And I am aware that demons are nothing to be trifled with. But I am also aware of the power of God. So I'm choosing to pray and trust Him.

And to leave the lights on. All night.

The Random Rundown

2009-05-04T08:52:00.004-05:00

If you haven't heard from me in awhile, there are some reasons for that, but I'm working on those things, so hopefully you will hear from me more often in the near future. What are those things? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure I can even name all of them, and even if I could they wouldn't make for very fun blog reading. So instead of the heaviness of those things, let's talk about some other more fun things.

Over the last several weeks I have spent lots of time with my family, which has been really good. This last weekend we went camping, and had lots of time to relax. I also acquired several ant and mosquito bites, but it was nice to sit by the lake, play games, read, watch the deer run by our campsite and all the other fun things you do when you're camping. But...I was quite grateful for my bed last night, and for the feeling of clean hair this morning. While we do have beds in the camper, it's nothing like my bed. Not to mention, every time I roll over on my bed in the camper, I am pretty certain the whole camper shakes and moves from side to side. And while we do usually shower at least once while we are camping, I never really feel clean, so even though I showered, my hair still felt gross.

I have also been reading more the last several weeks, which I think has been good for my brain, even though I am mostly reading fiction. When I watch a lot of TV for a long amount of time, I feel like my brain gets sluggish. Probably just me being crazy, but nonetheless, I am enjoying reading Jan Karon's Mitford series right now. I'm on the fifth book and had the silly notion that I was almost done with the series, but alas, I think there are at least 3 or 4 more after this. I don't usually enjoy Christian fiction very much, usually too cheesy, but Mitford is a little better.

I finished up my ladies' Bible study a few weeks ago, and I am missing teaching. I think I may start a Bible study just for the clients in my house, but I can't decide what to teach. Maybe women of the Bible.

For the last week I have only had hot water in my house every other day or so. Lovely. Hopefully today it is getting fixed for real and not just patched over. Also last week I didn't have internet for a couple of days. I thought it was fixed but last night I realized it is out again. Double lovely.

Because the internet access in my house is crazy, I have been bringing my laptop to a great little English coffee house on Main Street here in town. I must tell you that I just finished up an awesome cup of coffee and a fabulous scone with strawberry preserves. Yummy! I really like this little coffee shop. If you come visit me, remind me to bring you here.

The Answerer

2009-04-06T10:36:00.004-05:00

I've decided that I am definitely behind in the world of blogging. I went to my friends' blog sites this morning and realized that some of them have posted 3 or 4 times in the last couple of weeks, and I haven't even read them! Not to mention that I haven't written anything myself for quite awhile.

So here are some recent thoughts...

I have been reminded lately that our God is a God who hears and answers our prayers, if we will only ask. I have prayed for specific things over the last few weeks, and He has been faithful in all of them. I know we don't always get what we ask for, but I also know that if we ask with pure motives He usually says yes. And because He is a God of grace, sometimes He says yes, even when are motives aren't pure.

A few weeks ago, my brother lost his job. I prayed some pretty specific things for him and for his family, and so far the Lord, in His grace, is answering all of them.

The last weekend in March I had the awesome privilege of speaking at the first annual Axis Church Women's Retreat. It was a great time to hang out with friends, and more importantly, to worship. I prayed that above all, we would worship Him that weekend, and His Spirit led our hearts (or at least mine) straight to the feet of Jesus. It was amazing.

I have prayed some very specific things for some of my clients, and the Lord is graciously answering and providing all that they need.

And...for me, there have been some trying, tense moments in the last couple of weeks, and I have prayed for resolution, provision, peace and joy in the midst of it all, and the Lord has, again, been faithful.

He is a good God and I love Him more everyday.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Phil. 4:6-7

Reester Bunnies and Eagle-ettes

2009-03-11T08:33:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I went to my friend Susan's house for some "team building" with my coworkers. And by "team building" what we really mean is playing games which could be considered gambling, with dice and candy instead of quarters. I don't think it's actually gambling when you use candy. I hope not, I used to sponsor lots of college church activities that involved "gambling" with candy. Anyway...Susan asked us all to bring some candy with us, so on Monday night I stopped by the local Walgreen's and picked up a couple of bags of Easter candy, one of which was a bag of Reese's peanut butter bunnies, which are affectionately called "Reester Bunnies" by the Reese's/Hershey Company. When I read that on the bag, I literally laughed out loud. Sometimes it's the little things that crack me up.

So on to some other funny things...

Last weekend I went to Llano, TX with my parents. What's in Llano you ask? Eagles. That's right, real live eagles. I didn't believe my mom when she first told me about it, and I must say I went rather reluctantly. I didn't really think seeing these eagles who nest in Llano every year was really going to be that exciting, in fact I counted on it being quite lame. But I like spending time with my parents and there was a promise of Dunkin' Donuts before we started our journey to Llano, so I went. It actually turned out to be sort of cool. I know, it isn't cool to say cool anymore, but I don't know what word we're supposed to use, so deal with it. The eagles were pretty easy to see with our binoculars and they were quite beautiful. So here's the funny part...the week before we went on our little trek through the hill country to Llano, my mom told me all about the eagles and their eaglets (based on her internet research), but she kept calling them "eagle-ettes". I finally told her, "Mom, they're not a drill team, they're baby eagles. They're called eaglets." To which she laughed and did her best to pronounce the word correctly. When I told my dad about this conversation we had a good laugh at my poor mom's expense.

You might also find it funny that the two words spell check doesn't like are "Reester" and eagle-ettes. Or maybe it's just me who finds this worth a snicker.

Invisible

2009-03-04T14:49:00.002-06:00

Today I went to a training session informing us about drug use among teens in America. I left feeling quite depressed and a little sick to my stomach. Basically, while the use of some drugs is declining according to research and statistics, in reality, they are just switching from one drug to another. Apparently prescription drug abuse and inhalant abuse are on the rise in a huge way. And the methods that are being employed to disguise or hide drugs is rather mind boggling.

All of this reminded me of a book I recently read about street kids in Bolivia. It was a sad, poignant and compelling book called When Invisible Children Sing. It's about a Christian medical student who takes a sabbatical in his last year of med school to work with two orphanages and the street children of La Paz, Bolivia. Anyway, there are lots of sad and strange events in the book, but one of the saddest is that the children he encounters on the street are all addicted to sniffing paint thinner, which is cheap, readily available and provides a measure of escape from the rottenness of street life.

I don't really know why I'm writing about all of this, but somehow these issues of drug use and poverty keep coming up in different ways. I think I'm just being reminded that even though life can sometimes be hard in middle class America, we really have no concept of how hard life is for the poor, the homeless, the uneducated in America and around the world. I just feel compelled to pray more and to find ways to continue to reach out to those who are hurting and invisible to much of the world.

Long Overdue Update

2009-02-16T15:47:00.002-06:00

I'm having a hard time knowing where to begin...sign number one that a person should not go over a month without blogging.

Over the last month or so I've... had a stomach bug twice, been to Houston to visit my awesome friend Michelle (and her sweet family), been to College Station to visit the fam, been to at least two tea parties with my nieces, gone on adventures with my niece Katie (through my parents house with flashlights, a backpack and a "map"), visited with my funny friend Devina, started teaching a Bible study on Monday nights, been to several meetings, continued to look for a church, went to lunch several times with friends from work, tried to do my job well, have felt like I wasn't doing my job well, cried a lot, missed my friends, felt lonely, wanted a dog, cleaned for inspection, spent too much time on Facebook, reconnected with some old friends, prayed a lot, remembered I don't forgive easily or quickly, ate some Valentine's chocolate, thought about going back to school, went to the movies, watched too much TV, regretted ever watching LOST in the first place (is it just me or does LOST really suck this season?), backed my beautiful new car into a tree (yes it left a mark, but just a small one), and wondered if I was destined to always drive a marred vehicle.

I haven't forgotten you...

2009-02-12T17:04:00.003-06:00

...oh, my poor blog, you have been so neglected. Facebook is stealing all my time away from you! I will come back to you soon, when there is more to say. Until then...just be patient and know that I have not forgotten you.

Unsuccessful Sorting

2009-01-15T10:57:00.003-06:00

Something's not quite right. I can't put my finger on one thing or another, but I just feel strangely emotional, but not necessarily with happy emotions. There are good things happening--the raccoons may finally be gone from my ceiling, for starters--but there is something else afoot and I'm having a hard time sorting it out.

My weekend last weekend was kind of hard, I think that's what started all of this. I stayed here, and listened to children cry and mothers yell, which really doesn't put me in a very good mood. I went to the movies on Saturday just to get out of the house, but then felt very lonely there all by myself. I came home and was very unproductive and still feeling rather lonely, even though I could hear people just on the other side of the wall. Sunday was hard. I tried to psych myself up to go to church in the morning, but I just couldn't muster up the courage or desire. I know, that's bad. I finally convinced myself to go to church in the evening at a church I visited a couple of months ago, but when I got there, there was no one there. Weird.

I was encouraged (another happy thing) Monday night by the ladies (clients) in the Bible study I have the privilege of leading. I am really excited about what I think the Lord is already doing in their hearts (not all of them are Christians), and I am excited about our time together this semester.

This has been a hard week for my clients though. I can't really detail any of their lives here on my blog, but they are struggling, and my heart is hurting for them. I think I am just taking on some of their hurt and hardship.

I have to say this is a strange experience for me. Not the taking on other people's burdens thing, I tend to do that on a somewhat normal basis, but usually it is with people who my life is also intertwined with. The part that is new and different is that I am not sharing any burden or problem of my own with these women, but I am taking on their problems and burdens and doing my best to help them sort through all of it and to come out better on the other side. I am finding out that this is a very hard job to do well, at least for me, since I feel like there are things that I am trying to sort through in my own life, and not getting very far in the sorting. I don't think this is really making sense as I'm typing it, but oh well, I feel like I need to say it, even if it is hard to make it make sense in writing.

Ashley is Still Alive and Well

2009-01-09T10:00:00.002-06:00

I suppose I should have told you that her head never fell off. I enjoyed playing with her for many years, along with the five other CPKs I acquired throughout my childhood. She lived in a box with the others for several years after I was "grown up" and now resides once again at my parents' house where my nieces play with her whenever they come to visit. She is by far the dirtiest, most worn of the six, but still wears the clothes she came in, unless my nieces have decided to change her, which is very likely.

The Legend of the Headless Cabbage Patch Kid

2009-01-08T09:54:00.005-06:00

Christmas 1984. I am six and in the first grade. The world has gone crazy for a new toy called "The Cabbage Patch Kid." So crazy in fact, that CPK's are very difficult to find in any store. People are resorting to any means necessary to fill the longings of their children who have been bombarded with images and commercials which have convinced them of their need for one of these strangely cute dolls. I am one of those children, and my parents have resorted to the only means they have to provide my young heart what it desires. Their solution? Buy a homemade "Cabbage Patch Kid" from some random lady my aunt knows. This seems like a good solution. The doll looks almost the same as a regular CPK, is readily available, and affordable.

Christmas morning. I open the package containing my "CPK" and I am quite happy with this version of my Christmas wish. Not exactly what I was thinking, but I am definitely still happy about it.

Christmas afternoon. I'm playing with my new "CPK" thinking about how much I love her when all of a sudden, her head falls off. Just pops off onto the floor without warning. I am devastated. I start crying, my brother (who can see how upset I am) starts crying, and when my parents come to see what's wrong, they both start crying as well. It is, without a doubt, a very sad scene.

A few days after Christmas. My uncle (by marriage) who isn't usually a man of great compassion, volunteers to stand in a long line at a local toy store when a new shipment of CPK's comes in so that he can get me the real thing (with my grandma's money, no doubt). He successfully purchases said CPK. I am unaware that any of this is going on.

A day or so after that. My aunt (my mom's sister, married to usually uncompassionate uncle) and my uncle (my mom's brother) drive from Kansas City (where they live) halfway across the Kansas Turnpike where my family and I meet them. I am still clueless as to what is going on. I get out of the car and find that they have brought me the most beautiful little Cabbage Patch Kid. There is much rejoicing.

That night. I take her home, name her Ashley, and pray that her head doesn't fall off.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

2008-12-28T20:06:00.003-06:00

I know, I know...it's been forever since I blogged. I started writing a few things the other day, a few days before Christmas, but never actually posted them. Since I don't have much else to say right now, here are a few random stories of Christmas past.

*One Christmas, during high school, our choir students put on a Christmas show in which different students sang solos. These were Christmas songs which they chose for themselves. I went because my very best friend Michelle was of course singing a solo. Michelle sang "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" if I remember correctly. Another girl, who had a significant lisp, sang Amy Grant's "Tennessee Christmas". If you have ever heard that song, or even just know the chorus, you can imagine how funny it would be with a lisp. This is still a joke between Michelle and I (and her mom). It's still funny 12 or 14 years later. If you had been there, it would be funny to you too. Trust me.

*One of my favorite pictures at my grandma's house is a picture of my cousins, my brother and I one Christmas. I think it was probably 1993 or 1994. We had gone to Missouri to visit for Christmas. The picture was taken after we had opened some gifts, and told some jokes or something. In any case, it is obvious in the picture that we were all laughing and enjoying being together. It's one of those happy/sad pictures. Know what I mean? Looking at it makes you happy because it is a happy picture, but it also makes you sad because someone in it is gone and/or changed. I still I love the picture even though it's happy/sad.

Maybe in my next post I'll tell you the story of the headless Cabbage Patch Kid, which is also a Christmas story, believe it or not.

Christmas Craziness

2008-12-10T15:13:00.002-06:00

Christmas is in full swing here at work, which is also home. That's crazy all on its own, but so far things are going well. Last night we had over 50 teenage girls here at our house from a local high school drill team. They brought presents for my clients and their children and practically ate us out of house and home. It was really fun to see how happy the kids were to have so many new faces in the house and how excited they were to play with their new gifts. The house was packed out with girls, but it was a fun time. They were all really sweet and were happy to be helping out.

We have more gifts and donations coming later this week and next week. This community and other surrounding communities really invest in the children's home. It is amazing to see how so many people just want to reach out in love to these children and families, especially during the Christmas season. We are definitely blessed, at Christmas, and all year, by the generosity of this community.

And this is a great time of year to really share the gospel of Jesus with my clients, so please pray for them as they hear about and ponder the miracle of Jesus. Pray that they would see Jesus in the faces that bring gifts and that they would understand how much God loves them.

Growing Up

2008-11-28T19:30:00.002-06:00

I can't believe how big my nieces are getting! Today Emily, my six year old niece, rode her bike without training wheels for the first time! It was really fun to see her riding and to see how happy she was with her accomplishment. I'm so glad I got to be her to see it. It seems like, since I don't live here, that I often miss moments like these.

Today was just a good day all around. Earlier today we went to see Bolt with all the nieces and some other family members who are in town for the Thanksgiving weekend. I really like the movie, it was cute and funny. And it was fun to spend time with the family.

I thought last weekend was bad...

2008-11-25T09:57:00.003-06:00

...but this weekend takes the cake.

Thursday I was sick, sore throat, headache, etc, so I went to the doctor because I thought it might be strep throat since one of my clients had strep earlier in the week. The doctor did the strep test and everything but said it was just a virus, not strep, and that I would just have to wait it out. So I basically paid him my $20 copay to tell me to rest, drink lots of fluids and take Tylenol if I needed it. Thanks a lot.

But instead of getting increasingly better over the next few days, I got increasingly worse. By Sunday morning my throat was so red and swollen I could hardly swallow.

So I went to a local urgent care facility where another doctor declared that it was indeed strep throat. Fabulous.

He gave me lots of meds, including Vicodin. I slept most of Sunday and Monday and am finally feeling better today. I still feel only about 75% but my throat is soooo much better.

So now I am trying to catch up on several days worth of work before I head off for Thanksgiving vacation tomorrow afternoon. I probably don't really have time to be updating my blog, but oh well. It's already done now!

My Super Exciting Weekend

2008-11-17T11:02:00.003-06:00

That title is deceiving to say the least. Here's a rundown of the weekend (you know you want to read about my weekend, even though I haven't set it up very well):

Friday

Lunch with my friend Susan
Trip to the library
Stop at the Redbox
Frozen pizza for dinner
Watched "Get Smart" which was not as good as I was anticipating. I almost fell asleep during one part.

Saturday

8:30 a.m. the fire alarms went off in the main part of my house. I threw on a robe and went running out only to find that one of my clients had turned the heater on (for the first time this year) and the smoke alarms did not like it. Thankfully we didn't have to evacuate, since it was freezing cold outside.
Later that morning, we all went to the book party sponsored by teachers in the area. They brought cookies, read books to the children and then the kids all got to take home a few free books.
Read a book for most of the afternoon.
Watched "Kit Kittredge". I really liked this movie! I think it was designed with children in mind, but I thought it was really cute.
Gave myself a manicure.

Sunday

Made muffins.
Went to church.
Talked to mom and dad.
Talked to my grandma.
Washed dishes.
Watched TV.
Remade my bed with flannel sheets and an extra blanket.
Gathered laundry.
Straightened up my closet and bedroom.
Talked with my clients.
Watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition. And I cried of course.
Watched some more TV.
Fell asleep watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" in bed.

Let the Stories Begin

2008-11-13T16:04:00.002-06:00

Today while I was talking to my brother, he suggested that since the title of my blog is "the stories of my life..." I should tell stories from my life on days when I don't really have much else to say. I am quite certain this suggestion did not come from a lack of appreciation for the craziness of my last post, and since I think it was suggested with great love and out of a spirit of helpfulness, I have decided it's a good idea.

So here goes...

Kindergarten. Oh, kindergarten, how I would love to go back to you and days of simplicity where all I cared about was being loved by my teacher and a blonde headed boy with glasses named Adam Randolph.

Kindergarten at Ott Elementary, those were the good days. I honestly can not tell you what we did in kindergarten on a day to day basis, but I can tell you the things that were important.

We all carried our backpacks, coats, and whatever other school necessities in a big laundry-type bag. They said this was to help cut down on the risk of lice and other germies. Anyway, mine was kind of rusty brown with long stripes. It doesn't sound very pretty, but it was soft, like flannel, and I loved it.

My teacher Mrs. Robinson was so kind and loving, except when it came to a boy named Stefan Bell, who was the class troublemaker. Mrs. Robinson drove a yellow Pontiac Firebird, which she parked at the top of the hill, so we could see it from our classroom window.

Adam Randolph had a crush on me and even kissed me on the playground one day. We were buddies, to say the least. Sometimes our teacher would ask one of us to run an errand for her, but we weren't allowed to go by ourselves, we had to choose a buddy. I always chose Adam and he always chose me.

Everyday, at the end of the school day, the kindergartners were released a few minutes before the other students, probably so we didn't get trampled. I would walk down the hall and wait outside my brother's second grade classroom so that we could walk home, to grandma's house, together. Our grandma lived less than a block from the school so most days we walked there. Although most days my heart belonged to Adam, I also always hoped that a 2nd grade boy named Benji McDonald would be at the front of the line at my brother's classroom door. Benji was always nice to me, and I thought he was funny.

One day Mrs. Robinson brought all these strange fruits for us to try. Pomegranates, kiwis, star fruit, and other things, most of which I had never tried before. To this day, every time I eat a pomegranate I think of her.

Kindergarten, while sweet at Ott Elementary, became a scary place for me when we moved to Kansas in the Spring of that year. We transferred to Auburn Elementary in Kansas (somewhere outside of Topeka) and I hated kindergarten there. My teacher was nice enough, but I missed Mrs. Robinson, and everything was so very different. Our classroom was in a portable building, there was no need for my flannel laundry bag anymore, there was no Adam Randolph, no grandma right across the street, no brother right down hall, a long bus ride, and worst of all, everyone could read except me. Apparently standards vary from state to state and in Kansas they had been learning to read since the beginning of the year, whereas in Missouri you didn't learn to read until first grade.

Oh, kindergarten, it had gone from my favorite place to be, to a morning of torture. My tummy hurt almost everyday. The only highlights were carrying a thermos of Hi-C in my circus backpack for snack everyday, and coming home to have lunch and watch Days of Our Lives with my mom, who was now a stay-at-home mom, which was also pretty neat. Thankfully I have the best mom in the world, and she taught me how to read over the summer so that I started first grade in one of the top reading groups.

But for the record...I missed Adam Randolph, who wrote me letters (I think his mom actually wrote them for him). I missed Ms. Robinson a lot. And I missed my grandma even more.

Water Lines, Dolphins, a Gimp and Other Randomness

2008-11-12T14:56:00.004-06:00

When you don't have much to say, but you are tired of looking at the same old blog post, you do something like this. Here are some random thoughts.

*There is some sort of water line construction going on in the field beside my house so all day long I hear the backing up beeps of the trucks and other construction vehicles. It is quite annoying.

*Did you know that dolphins and pigs are actually quite similar in cellular composition?

*That's a lie by the way, or at least an unconfirmed fact. I just felt like making up something about dolphins; I don't know why.

*I used to have a fear that my left leg was shorter than my right leg, but passed it off as irrational. But then this morning I noticed that the bottom cuff of my left jean leg was wearing more than the right, as if it is dragging the ground more. Maybe that wasn't such an irrational fear after all. And no, I'm not making this one up, although I could see how you might doubt me after the lie about dolphins.

*My office is really ugly. I am trying to figure out how to make it look better on a small budget. It's going to take some innovation, which I seem to be lacking.

*The beeping of the trucks outside is driving me crazy!! Maybe I should think of some reason why I need to leave the house for the rest of the afternoon.

*Today I went to a training about "Blood Borne Pathogens and Other Communicable Diseases". It was as exciting as it sounds.

Anonymous

2008-11-03T13:30:00.002-06:00

I despise anonymity, especially when it masks itself as love or encouragement. I wrote a whole bunch more about how much I despise anonymity, but decided it was best left unsaid. So I will leave at that.

Onward and Upward

2008-10-27T09:04:00.002-05:00

I'm moving on. No more of the negative junk you've seen about some places and people, which shall remain nameless. I'm done with that and ready to move on. And when I have moments where it all comes rushing back I think I'll just write about it on my secret blog which I probably should have done in the first place. Oh well. Live and learn.

The bottom line is that no matter what has happened God has remained constant and faithful even when I am disappointed, and even when I am a disappointment.

So...on to happy things.

I went camping with the fam again this weekend and it was lots of fun. We did all the things you are supposed to do when you go camping, with the small exception of actually sleeping in a tent. But...we ate our meals outside, sat around the campfire, roasted marshmallows, looked at the stars, went walking on trails, enjoyed the beautiful weather, sat in camping chairs, made popcorn over the open fire, told ghost stories, played cards, skipped rocks on the lake, played ball, and just had fun together.

Last night when I got home I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show makes me cry every time! Anyway, I was reminded last night, while watching the story of a little boy named Job, just how good and faithful God is. And what an amazing thing that God could allow TV to bring Himself glory. I felt like I worshipped watching their story as much as I have in most church services. That probably sounds a little crazy but it's true. I think I am learning something about worship. I haven't sorted through all of it yet, but here are a few initial thoughts, most of which I think I've always known, but have recently been reminded of.

Worship should be constant.
Worship can happen everywhere and anywhere.
Worship isn't about how I feel.
Worship is about praising God for who He is.
Worship is about the focus of my mind and my heart.
Almost anything can be an act of worship, if it isn't sinful. I think even the everyday things we do can be worship if we think of them as such.
Worship is my heart communing with the heart of God.
It doesn't have to happen at any certain time or place, but it often seems more significant in a particular time and/or place, which I can't exactly figure out.

Ok, that's all for now, but stay tuned, there may be more thoughts about worship in the near future.

I Want to Scream

2008-10-16T10:03:00.003-05:00

Do you ever have interactions with people that they try to keep somewhat secretive, and all you want to do is expose them for what they really are? But you don't because you know that in the end it won't do any real good except make them look bad, and possibly cause them to dislike you even more than they already do.

Do you ever feel like people are trying to control what you do and say, even on your very own blog--people who have no right to do so whatsoever? I'm pretty sure it's MY blog, and I can say whatever I want. If you don't want to read it, then don't, it's that simple.

Can you tell I'm a little perturbed right now? Uggh. I hate this kind of stuff. It's so ridiculous. I'm a grownup. No one gets to tell me what I can or can't say on my blog, especially people who never had any real authority over me in the first place, people who I walked away from and whose ugly regime I separated myself from.

Tag...you're it!

2008-10-14T09:57:00.002-05:00

Marla tagged me so here goes...

1. If you could go back in time and relive one particular time in your life, when would it be? My junior year of college.
2. If you could drive any car out there, what car would you drive? I don't know. Probably a Nissan 350Z.
3. If you could drive an SUV, what kind would you drive? Well, I do drive an SUV, which I really like. It's a Honda CRV, but if I could have my pick of any SUV, I would get a GMC Yukon.
4. What is your greatest pet peeve of all time? Blog tags, J/K. One thing that really annoys me is constant tapping or other repetitive sounds.
5. What room in your house stays clean most of the time? None of my rooms are clean most of the time.
6. What room stays messed up most of the time? My bedroom
7. Can you get both cars in your garage? Don't have a garage and don't have two cars.
8. Do you make your bed every day? Umm...no.
9. When you come home from a long day or you have to change clothes, do you hang things up or do you make a pile that last for days and days? Pile. Or piles, I should say.
10. How many days of the week do you cook an evening meal? 1 or 2
11. What's your favorite meal? Mexican.
12. If you could go anywhere on vacation and spend a week, where would you go? I've never been, but I think I would choose Paris.
13. What's your favorite television show of all time? Friends.
14. What was your favorite children's show growing up? Smurfs--Did you know you can buy the Smurfs on DVD now? I haven't bought it, not yet anyway.
15. What was your favorite toy as a child? Cabbage Patch Kids
16. What was your favorite book as a child? Ramona Quimby, Age 8
17. What was the first car that you drove? a gray Mazda Protege
18. What color was your first bike? Purple, the seat was white and had rainbow stripes
19. Did you ever do anything really bad growing up? Not really
20. Did you ever steal anything growing up? No.

Cindy, Jennifer and Tanya you have been tagged!!!

Love Lost

2008-10-09T11:13:00.002-05:00

I never thought this would happen, and I wish I didn't feel this way. It has taken me a few weeks to truly diagnose the problem, but here it is: I've fallen out of love with the local church. I know, it's awful. I don't like it, but that's how I feel. I have become very disillusioned.

I used to believe lots of things about the church, all good. But now, my vision is clouded with all the crap I've personally seen and been hurt by.

Part of me thinks I shouldn't write about any of this, but you know what, I just don't care anymore.

I used to wonder how people, even ministers, could just walk away from the church, and never look back, but now I think I understand, at least in part. I never understood before what people really meant when they said things like, "Oh, I love Jesus, I just don't like the church.", but now I do.

How does it come to this? Where did the disillusionment begin?

For me it began with people who I thought I could trust, and it ended with people who seemingly just wanted what was best for them.

I'm sure lots of people think I left my last church just because the pastor left, or maybe even simply because I got a new job, but the truth is I left because it had become a place that I didn't want to be anymore, with people in leadership roles seemingly seeking themselves instead of God. I left because I realized that while people liked me, I wasn't really respected as a minister of God. People wanted me there to fill whatever role they needed me to, except the role of God-seeker, advice-giver. I think that while I was called to all of those "tasks" or "roles" for those times, I also think that really I was supposed to be a leader, one who sought the Lord and who people sought out as a God-seeker, but they wouldn't let me be that, didn't want me to be that, unless it suited their plans and purposes. When my interpretation of God's best didn't fit with theirs (I'm talking about the people in positions of power, not most other people), I became the trouble maker, and the one who couldn't get along with anyone. They fell out of love with me, and I fell out of love with them.

Part of me wants to scream, "This isn't fair!". Why does standing up for what you believe to be right have to be so hard? It's taken so much from me--my home, a job I used to love, proximity to friends, even relationships.

I left that church without saying any of this. I just walked away, tried to put on a good face and make everyone believe that everything was really ok. But it wasn't.

And now I find myself visiting churches and doubting the sincerity. I don't trust anyone. I don't even want to go to church most of the time. And that makes me sad.

I'm not sure anyone tells the whole truth about anything anymore, especially in the church, and I don't think that's what the church is supposed to be.

I should have said all of this (and more) then, but I wanted to maintain my reputation and a hope that things would turn out ok in the end.

I still pray that things do turn out ok for them in the end. And I still love the people of that church. And I miss them, terribly. But I wouldn't go back. Though most of them were so good to me, for so long, the ones who weren't, even for a short time, sadly overshadow all of the good.

They have left me questioning all of the idealistic notions I once maintained about the church. They don't fit with the reality of what I've seen, and I don't know what to do with all of that. I can't figure out what it's really supposed to be, and even if I could, even if my new ideas are correct, I can't figure out if anyone is really doing church that way.

So I feel stuck. Stuck and sad.

Did that just happen?

2008-10-07T12:13:00.003-05:00

Here are a few stories from the recent past that have caused me to think, did that really just happen?

Story #1--That Was Not a Dog

A few weekends ago I went camping with my brother and his family. Now, for those of you who remember from previous posts that I hate camping, let me clear something up. Camping with my brother and the fam, is camping in a fifth wheel, complete with running water, beds, a/c, heat, walls, and a roof. Very different than tent camping and for the most part, tolerable. In fact, this is the only type of camping I ever plan do. Anyway, Saturday morning I think my brother and sis-in-law were trying to kill me. They made me hike 4 miles for no clear purpose. We kept hoping there would be something of beauty and grandeur at the end of our hike, but alas, there was not. So we turned around. It was more fun than I can possibly describe to you. After drinking an entire bottle of Gatorade, some water, and I think a Coke, I ate lunch and took a nap. Now here comes the good part. That night my brother grilled steaks for dinner, but it ended up being much later than we had anticipated and we found ourselves eating by lantern light. It really wasn't too bad, until we saw "it". All of a sudden, from around the backside of the camper, this animal came creeping up to the grill where the steaks had recently been. We all noticed it about the same time. It was dog-like in appearance, but without a collar. It didn't take my little brain very long to conclude that while this animal looked like a dog, it was surely not a dog. My nieces were freaking out, and Aunt Cari was freaking out so much that it took everything in me not to make a mad dash for the camper. My sister-in-law, Paula, kept saying, "It's just a dog." My brother and I exchanged a glance and I mouthed, "That is not a dog." Thankfully said creature was startled and skulked away, without getting too close to us. As soon as we were sure it was gone, I very calmly said, "So I think I'm going to go to the camper now." If we had not been staying in a camper, I think it is safe to say that I would not have stayed the night. I've camped in a tent with coyotes very nearby and it is not a pleasant experience. Certainly not one I want to relive.

Story #2--Is There a Law Against That?

Last Friday I decided to go to the public library to get a library card and to find out about there internet access. I went to the main door and it was closed. There was a sign on the door saying that it was closed for construction. There was also a map on the door, which I thought was directing me around the library to a back entrance. So I set off around the block to enter at the back. As I was turning to cross the back I noticed a very large dumpster, you know, one that they place at construction sites, and that you can walk into. As I began to pass the dumpster, I noticed a man in a strange position in the dumpster. It didn't take long for me to figure out that this man was taking a poo in the dumpster! I'm not kidding! As soon I realized what was happening I walked quickly on to the library entrance which was now in sight. When I got close to the entrance I realized that the entire library was closed for construction! So I had to walk back by the man taking care of business in the dumpster. I didn't look this time. Just walked right on by. I thought about calling the police, but I wasn't sure I could give an accurate description of the guy and, honestly, I assume there is a law against defecating in public, but I'm not sure.

Kind of brings a whole new meaning to the word "dumpster" doesn't it?

Story #3--Fur or Insulation?

Last night I climbed into bed, exhausted and ready to get some shut-eye. As soon as I was under the covers I looked down at the foot of my bed and there was something that looked like a hairball on the foot of my comforter. Since I couldn't remember cleaning my hairbrush and leaving the ball of hair on my bed, I quickly sat up, and turned on the light. It was what appeared to me a to be a small ball of dirty fur. I should tell you that the air vent in my room is right above the foot of my bed, so I did logically conclude that it likely came from the vent, rather than a creature hanging out on my covers. What I couldn't be sure about was what it actually was. Suffice it to say, I slept on the couch, but I didn't sleep well. This morning the maintenance guys were at my house fixing some other things (praise the Lord!) and I showed them the "furball". After looking at it and feeling it (which I was unwilling to do with my bare hands) they concluded that it felt like insulation, and was likely not fur, as I had suspected. I think they were being honest, but I wonder if they didn't just tell me that to make me feel better.

I Smell Like Mexican Food

2008-09-25T19:47:00.002-05:00

I just got home from having dinner at a local Tex-Mex restaurant, after a really long day. Today and tomorrow we (at work) are hosting a conference for people who work in children's homes, shelters, etc to come and learn more about what we do here, as well as receive some good training about being motivational in the way we communicate with clients. We started bright and early this morning at 7 a.m. and went all day, including a networking dinner at the Tex-Mex place. I'm quite tired and the day is still not over. I have a meeting with a client in about 45 minutes, which will probably go until after 9 p.m. and then it's off to bed. We have to be back in the morning at 7 a.m. so I am going to need some sleep!

By the way, thanks to everyone who offered solutions to my pest problems. My favorite came from Marla who suggested I just wear a flea collar. I wonder if a Great Dane size flea collar would fit around my neck? It might be worth checking into. Hmmm....

I'm Alive...For Now Anyway

2008-09-23T16:31:00.002-05:00

Your eyes are not deceiving you, this is in fact a new post from yours truly, which carries with it the good news that I have not fallen off the face of the earth as you might have suspected.

I am alive and mostly well.

I am loving my new job! I feel like I am really building some good relationships with my clients and I think there is great potential for ministry, which is super exciting!

I am not, however, loving my new house. Remember in my last post when I mentioned all the creatures that have supposedly lived in my house in the past? Well, great news, they also live here in the present. That's right, I have seen and or heard evidences of raccoons and rats. I have killed a handful of large roaches. I have personally seen, killed and been bitten by numerous fleas, and to top it all off, I have witnessed the trapping and "killing" of two skunks, which have left my house with a pungent odor that doesn't seem to go away. I could tell you the horrible story of their demise, but I think I will spare you the details.

I told a colleague today that the Lord must be trying to teach me something through pests, but I can't figure out for the life of me what the lesson is.

Honestly, my biggest concern right now is the fleas. I have this irrational idea that I am going to contract some horribly awful disease from them, like oh, I don't know, typhus or the bubonic plague, both of which are flea borne diseases. Highly unlikely, I realize, but still...just to be on the safe side I looked up symptoms of such sicknesses, just so I would know. So far, I think I'm ok.

This Could Be a Long One

2008-08-26T17:29:00.003-05:00

Well, it seems like I haven't blogged in forever, and I don't really know when my next opportunity will be, so hang on, I have a lot of ground to cover.

I think almost everyone who does or might read my blog, knows that I have moved, but if that's news to you, sorry you are reading it on my blog. But it's true, I have moved. Changed jobs, changed cities, even changed cars. Lots of change, and for someone who usually doesn't do well with change, I think I am coping fairly well.

Right now, internet access in my house is quite crazy and sporadic, which is why I haven't checked my email, written a blog entry, read any blog entries, or any other wonderful things people do on the world wide web. I must say, I think I had become quite dependent on the old www. This last week and half has been almost torturous. Well, maybe not quite that bad, but close, definitely close.

Today I finally decided to pack up the spiffy, sort of new, laptop, and head off to Starbuck's where I was under the sort of false pretense that there would be free wi-fi. After ordering my drink and sitting down at the table, I discovered that there was wi-fi, but it was not free, somewhat cheap, but certainly not free. Since I don't know where much of anything is yet in my fair new city, and since I certainly didn't know what other business might provide me with FREE wi-fi, I decided to pay the nominal fee to use the Starbuck's internet. But time is ticking away, I only have a little over an hour left, so to my stubby little fingers I say, "Type like the wind my friends, there is much to be done." Good thing I did some typing practice tests via the interent when I was looking for a new job and trying to determine my typing speed. You will be glad to know that I type approximately 45 words per minute, which I don't think is actually very good, and of which I probably should not boast. Anyway, I digress.

So, here are some things I have been up to lately:

*Unpacking. Ugh. I don't think it will ever be done.
*Meetings.
*Watching training videos. Seriously, some of my most boring moments in the last several days.
*Hanging out with some cool people.
*Trying to figure out what I'm really supposed to be doing for my job.
*Did I mention unpacking?
*Attending a Managing Aggressive Behavior training. Don't try to punch me, at least not with your right hand, because I assure you, I can and will restrain you.
*Reviewing benefits paperwork.
*Skimming an employee handbook.
*Watching the Olympics.
*I said unpacking right?
*Buying a new car!!! I have a new 2008 Honda CRV! It is awesome! It's black inside and out, which translates to BEAUTIFUL!
*Baking cookies for a work group who came to help with landscaping at my new house.
*Going to church with my family. Such a blessing. I don't even remember the last time I got to go to church with them.
*Shopping at the Wal-Mart.
*Getting a TB test. Good news folks, it was negative.
*Learning that the house I now live in has in the past also had raccoons, skunks, rats and fleas living in it. Fabulous. I was trying not to freak out about any of that until I actually heard some footsteps, scratching and other goings on of some sort of creature in my ceiling this past Friday. There was definite freaking out after that, and since then.

That's all I can think of for now. When I type it out like that it doesn't look like very much, but I feel like I have been really busy, always doing something and feeling very tired at the end of most days.

Ok, my friends, I will leave you with this final thought: Every Starbuck's looks different on the inside. This is a strange and miraculous thing to me. How do they do that? Is there some little Starbuck's elf who manages a list of the furnishings and decor of every Starbuck's in the world, insuring that nothing is duplicated in entirety? This probably sounds crazy, but this is a genuine wondering of my crazy random mind. Not the elf part, just the non-duplication factor. Ok, enough of that.

I'll return as soon as I can. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat. ;)

Fireball is Dead

2008-08-12T14:34:00.004-05:00

Yes, my friends, sadly, Fireball has died. I knew she would die sometime in the future, but I never imagined she would go out like this.

Here's a rundown of what happened. Oh, I'm ok by the way. I was heading to work, late as usual, and was heading south on Murphy Road. It was raining and before I knew it, there was a car in front of me. I barely had time to brake before I hit her broadside. Apparently she was attempting to go all the way across from one side of Murphy Road to the other, which is where we met. I hit her pretty hard and my air bags deployed. She was fine, I struck her on the passenger side. I was a bit shaken up and today I am quite sore. I have several bruises, but I think I'm fine. Now I have the joy of sorting out all of this with her insurance company because she was certainly at fault. Oh what fun lies ahead of me as I deal with this, pack, move and find a new car. I guess it is a season of new beginnings.

On the Road Again

2008-08-02T15:59:00.003-05:00

Well, actually, this time it will be in the air, not the road. I leave tomorrow afternoon for vacation! I am so excited! My family and I are traveling to California--first to Los Angeles and then to San Diego. It is going to be fabulous. My parents and I fly out tomorrow to meet my brother and his family in LA. They have been on the road for the last week or so, driving cross country in their big ole truck pulling their fifth wheel behind. I talked to my brother this morning and all is well with them. They've seen some cool things and are excited to meet up with us in sunny CA! One of the best parts about going to California is the chance to escape the 100+ weather here in Texas. The last time I checked highs in southern CA were in the 70's and 80's. So awesome.

Surprise!

2008-08-01T10:23:00.002-05:00

My sweet friend Jami organized a surprise belated birthday party for me last night! I knew that a bunch of people were coming over to her house, but I didn't know it was to celebrate my birthday! I walked in to a rousing shout of surprise, and then for a reason I couldn't quite figure out they ushered me into the kitchen. As soon as I rounded the corner, there were my friends Paul and Tanya (from San Antonio)! I was so happy to see them! We have been friends for about 11 years now, which seems totally crazy to write. I can't believe we have known each other that long! We all went to college together and Tanya and I were roommates for my last 2 1/2 years of college. She is one of my very best friends and it was such fun to see her! And Paul is pretty great too--he's stinkin' hilarious.

And to top it all off, they brought me a cupcake from Sprinkles!!

Skittles Rides Again

2008-07-21T22:56:00.002-05:00

Well, next week we're off to preteen camp once again. I'm excited, but it kind of makes me tired just thinking about it, and, let me just tell you, camp the last week of July, in 100+ degree weather, is not going to be so fabulous. But...I'm looking forward to whatever my camp nickname will be this year (I would love to get to be Skittles again), hanging out with preteeners, chugging contests at dinner and sitting by the lake holding small pairs of glasses and monitoring towels and shoes.

I honestly love preteen kids. I have no idea why, but they are some of my favorite people in the world, so I know it will be a fun week.

By the way, I think I have a good chance of winning the chugging contests this year, since the person who beat me last year isn't coming to camp this year. I know, what a thing to be proud of, but hey, I'm so competitive I'll take whatever win I can get.

Trials and Wisdom

2008-07-11T16:59:00.003-05:00

I ran across this today. It's part of a Bible study I wrote a few months ago. For some reason I felt like I should post it here on my blog.

James 1:2-8

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Why do you think James moves straight from trials to wisdom?

Perhaps because when we experience trials, all we want is for those trials to somehow make sense. We want to understand not only why they are happening, but what we're supposed to take from them, how they are really benefiting our lives. Essentially, we want to see things from God's perspective, whether we acknowledge that or not.

The best course is to acknowledge that desire for understanding, and seek Him, even when nothing makes sense, even when all we can manage is to be angry with Him. Don't you know that He would rather have you following after Him, angry (or whatever other emotions you experience), than to have you running from Him?

Thank you!

2008-07-10T09:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a great day! Lunch with one of my best friends, Beka, cupcakes from Sprinkles, swimming, facials and pampering at Origins and lots of laughs with friends! And the best news is, I don't feel 30, and I really don't feel any different than I did earlier in the week. 30 is just a number, right? I'm sure there will be a day in the future where I actually do feel older, but for now, I'm ok.

And I have the most amazing friends and family in the world! So many phone calls, text messages, facebook messages, emails, cards, ecards, and gifts! Thanks to everyone who remembered my birthday! I love you all!

Loving the Laptop

2008-07-08T19:04:00.002-05:00

I got a laptop! Woohoo! I cannot tell you how happy I am to finally have a laptop. I am always a major step behind everyone else in the world. I used to have the oldest cell phone in the world, but finally got a new one last Thanksgiving. Up until yesterday, I have been using a very old, though much appreciated and free, PC at my house. In fact, I rarely used it because it just wasn't up to par and it is really loud! But now, I have a beautiful laptop! I am so excited!

I'm Turning 29 Forever in Two Days

2008-07-07T13:04:00.002-05:00

Some friends of mine are throwing me a small birthday party which they are calling the "Cari is turning 29 forever" party. That title makes me happy.

I've wrestled with why it is that turning 30 seems like such a horrible thing to me. I think it is simply tied up in the fact that this isn't really how I expected my life to be when I was 30. I thought I would at least be married, and that I would probably have a child or two. I figured I would have a more lucrative career and be absolutely financially stable. I thought I would be living near my family. I thought I would at least have a dog. I thought a lot of things.

But...none of those things are really true.

This is one of those times when I am re-learning that disappointment is bred in expectations. Reality is, that while none of those things that I expected are actually true in my life, and there is no clear hope that they will ever be true, I am, for the most part, content.

Up to this point in my life, I'm not sure I was ready to be in a serious relationship, let alone a marriage. I love kids, but over the years I have wondered if I really do want to have any of my own. Although, newborns always make me second guess that--they're just so small and cute. I wouldn't trade my life and career in ministry for a different job simply because of money. Although I would give up my job if the Lord asked me too, as long as there was potential for ministry to take place through me in some area of my life. It is always better to be smack in the middle of God's will and poor, than the opposite. That's my theory anyway. And my family...well, I love them and there are many days I wished we lived closer, but being away from them has been good for me. I've learned a lot. The dog--I would have a dog, but I have no idea when I would be home to see it. My life is crazy and most of my days and evenings are filled. I would love to have a dog, but it just doesn't seem like it would be a very fun life for the dog.

So there you have it. My ramblings about why I loathe the idea of turning 30 and my justification for my contentedness, or the semblance of it.

Chocolate Chip Cookies...the Righter of All Wrongs

2008-06-20T11:32:00.002-05:00

Well...maybe Jesus had a little something to do with it too.

Today, I feel like while everything in my life is certainly not "puppies and roses" (that's a Cari-ism that you are welcome to use), that I'm ok. Really ok. The Lord has used people, His word, situations and maybe even chocolate chip cookies, to improve my mood in the last day or so, and I am grateful.

I think I am learning that sometimes, you just can't change the way things are, even though you really want to. And if God has placed you in the midst of something that is hard, something that you probably want to change, you just have to face reality that if it is ever going to be any better, it will be because He has done it, not you. So wallowing in the muck of it only makes you dirty and and stinky. Then you reflect muck instead of Him, and that certainly isn't His best.

I'm choosing to trust Him, even though I'm having a hard time seeing where He's going. Because really, I'd rather be with Him, than in the muck.

And what a good God He is...He blesses me along the way with words of encouragement, loving people, and even extras that make me happy, like chocolate chip cookies. :)

My Fingernails are Stubby and Other Tragedies

2008-06-13T11:42:00.002-05:00

The other day one of my fingernails on my right hand broke almost down to the nub, and since I can't stand for my fingernails to be drastically different in length, they all got a clip and a file. So sad.

My theory about only having to take half the classes for another master's degree at DTS was not exactly true. If I want another degree, it's another 60 hours. Ugh. Maybe that isn't such a good idea.

My pedicure yesterday was nice except when the girl was buffing my big toe toenail on my left foot, she buffed a little too long, too high, so that now I have a minor, albeit painful, scrape on the skin right above the nail. Let's just say acetone and fresh wounds, even if they are minuscule, don't mix.

I'm in some weird funk. The last few days I've just felt out of sorts and I really can't pin it on one thing or another.

Maybe my next blog will be happier. I'm sure you would appreciate that. So would I.

My Friends Say I Need to Blog...

2008-06-12T13:51:00.002-05:00

...so here I am, not knowing what to write about. Here are some things I'm thinking about:

Should I go back to school or not? I really think I would like to get a degree in counseling and someday maybe even become a licensed professional counselor. If I go to DTS I only have to take half the classes required because I've already taken the other half. I don't know. Fall or Spring or ever?

Coke Zero makes me more thirsty than it quenches any original thirst. Probably the aspartame. That's my theory anyway. And a good reason to stick to regular Coke. :)

What color polish should I get on my toes at my pedicure this afternoon? Pink? Red? Something crazy?

Should I tell my mom what I really think, or just let it pass? Yes, there's more to that story, but I don't want to talk about it right now.

How reliable are first impressions and instincts? Should they be trusted?

Why is this the third day in a row that I have a headache?

Will I ever stop getting pimples?

I'm turning 30 in less than a month. Very depressing.

I love Jesus. Even when things are confusing and my head hurts, He remains the same. I love Him for His constancy and for so much more.

I've been reading in Nehemiah a lot lately. I keep going back to chapter 9. I cry almost every time I read it, because I am reminded of how much God loves us and how faithful He is.

Ok, that's enough of my random thoughts for today.

Drawing a Blank

2008-06-02T10:46:00.003-05:00

I really don't have much to blog about. Some things I'm not sure I want to write about quite yet, other things I know I can't write about. I feel like this is a really crazy time in my life. A lot of what is going on is hard and is not what I expected to be dealing with; all of it makes me feel completely uncertain about my future. Other things are really good, but I'm wondering why it is all happening at the same time. It seems mismatched. But I'll take it. Surely the Lord knows what He's doing.

The Get Along Gang

2008-05-19T13:54:00.006-05:00

The Get-Along Gang, L to R: Dotty, Zipper, Montgomery, Woolma (kneeling), Bingo, Portia.

In response to the lack of response concerning Random Fact #47, I have decided to enlighten you about Montgomery Moose, whose face graced my pair of blue with yellow laces roller skates.

Here's what the folks at Wikipedia have to say about Montgomery and his friends known as "The Get Along Gang."

The Get Along Gang were characters created in 1984 by American Greetings' toy design and licensing division, Those Characters from Cleveland (now American Greetings Properties), for a series of greeting cards. The Get Along Gang was a group of twelve (and later, fourteen) pre-adolescent anthropomorphic animal characters in the fictional town of Green Meadow, who had formed a club that met in an abandoned caboose and who had various adventures whose upbeat stories tended to stress the importance of subsumption of one's own desires and compliance. The success of the greeting card line led to a Saturday morning television series, which aired on CBS for one season, from 1984 until 1985. The time slot was replaced by Disney's The Wuzzles.

Each of the characters had obvious faults, which they learned to overcome with the aid of their friends. For instance, the group's leader, Montgomery Moose, was quite clumsy, and tended to get his antlers caught in certain objects, such as tree branches; Woolma Lamb was extremely vain, and Dotty Dog was very careless.

For more info visit the official Get Along Gang website (yes, there actually is an official website) at http://www.thegetalonggang.com/.

99 Random Facts

2008-05-14T15:03:00.002-05:00

Ok, I have had a really crappy couple of days and it would bring me great joy to celebrate my 99th post instead of my 100th, just to be a little bit different and to be able to publish the 99 facts I have been saving for the last two weeks! So, without further ado, 99 random facts about yours truly! If you read them all you must be my true friend!

1. I used to wish I had a cooler name like Tiffany or Brittany.
2. My favorite kind of cake is devil’s food with white icing.
3. My eyes are brown but look sort of olive green in bright lights.
4. My hair once had big orange blocks throughout it thanks to my friend Beka.
5. I have dyed my hair ever since the orange incident.
6. My family and I were once in a blizzard when we lived in Kansas. We didn’t have power for days.
7. I have been to or through 22 of the 50 states.
8. We used to have a dog, a Chihuahua, named Twinky.
9. I used to be allergic to dogs, so for several of my growing up years, I had goldfish.
10. I once had a fuzzy caterpillar that I kept in a jar. It turned into a moth and I set it free.
11. For two different science fairs, in two different states, while I was in elementary school, I created volcanoes.
12. When I was three I used to like to watch my grandparents slaughter the chickens they raised. Weird, I know.
13. When I would go to watch the slaughter, my mom would make me wear my blue raincoat, for reasons I’m sure you can guess.
14. I will never forget, for all my life, the smell of hot, wet chicken feathers.
15. I love sled riding.
16. Once when I was in 4th grade my brother and I went sled riding when the snow was too deep and we could barely make it up the hill to get back home. It was so cold that day, but I learned that day how smart my brother was. When I started to cry because my face was so cold, he dug out a hole in the snow and told me to put my face in it to block it from the wind for a few minutes. It worked.
17. One summer my friends and I had a “lemonade” stand where we sold all sorts of treats that our moms and my grandma helped us make.
18. Because all of our last names started with D we called our little stand, the “D Girls Delight Stand”. I think we were 10 so cut us some slack.
19. There was also a “D Girls” cheer, which we created and practiced on my grandma’s front porch. I still remember part of the cheer.
20. One year at a family reunion my cousin Jami and my brother and I snuck off to the creek and had a little swim. Our parents weren’t very happy about that.
21. I’ve never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed.
22. I am addicted to reality shows on Bravo (Project Runway and Top Chef to be specific).
23. I like the Dixie Chicks.
24. I don’t really like sports, to play or to watch.
25. If I am going to watch sports I prefer football or basketball.
26. If I am going to play a sport I prefer volleyball, although I’m not too bad at throwing a football.
27. To be clear though, I do not excel at any sport.
28. In high school we would play volleyball on Wednesday nights after church. As a sarcastic nickname, my friend Jacob dubbed me “Volleyball Pro.”
29. I had a ridiculous crush on our high school quarterback my senior year. What can I say, he was really good at being the quarterback, and quite handsome.
30. My brother has many nicknames for me. He has always called me “Care” but in the past has also called me Paco and nowadays he calls me Herman. Don’t ask.
31. I was once in an earthquake when we lived in California.
32. I hate the smell of diesel exhaust because it always brings back bad memories of riding the school bus.
33.When I was in junior high I was a really bad friend to a girl named Sara.
34. I hate the summer.
35. I find myself sometimes obsessing about my features that I really like--my hands, my eyes and my lips. I know, I’m crazy.
36. Because of the nature of my job, I have a few times throughout the year where I just get tired of being around people and have to escape to be a hermit for a couple of days.
37. I love my cousins. Pray for them; they don’t know Jesus.
38. I used to have a dog named Wojo, who was named after a character on “The Barney Miller Show.”
39. If I could rescue every dog from the pound I would. In a heartbeat, without thought.
40. I sometimes have very real, vivid dreams (in color), in which I know without a doubt the Lord has spoken to me. Don’t worry, I’m not a nutcase. This only happens once or twice a year, and usually the message is personal to me, not about the end of the world or anything. J
41. I love music and I love to sing, although I don’t exactly have the most beautiful singing voice in the world.
42. When I go home to visit my parents, I always ask my mom to make one of three things that are her specialties: Roast, meatloaf or what we affectionately call, Shell-Roni.
43. I need lots of sleep. 8 hours a day is ideal for me.
44. My paternal grandma wrote the Russell Stover’s logo and drew all the ribbons on the boxes as well as the roses that are sometimes on the Valentine boxes. She had offers to work for Walt Disney back in the day, but my grandpa wouldn’t allow it.
45. My paternal grandpa was likely involved with the mob in Kansas City, while my maternal grandpa was a Bible college graduate. Talk about different lives. :)
46. I love contemporary worship songs, but every now and then I just want to sing some hymns.
47. I once owned a pair of blue roller skates with yellow laces. They had a picture of Montgomery Moose on the side of them. Does anyone out there know who Montgomery Moose is?
48. One of my favorite movie quotes is, “The hits just keep on comin’”. Anyone know what movie that’s from?
49. When I go to Starbuck’s I usually get one of three things: non-fat white mocha latte, non-fat cinnamon dolce latte, or caramel apple spice.
50. My favorite books of the Old Testament are Ruth and Psalms.
51. My favorite books of the New Testament are Acts and 2 Corinthians.
52. I love Chick-Fil-A. They have the best Coke!
53. One of my favorite college memories is the day we counted money from the 5 gallon water jug (that we used to collect money for summer missions) and my friend Tim said, “My hands smell like crazy.” To which my friend Devina replied “Oh is that what crazy smells like.” We laughed ourselves silly. Let me know if you need an extended version of that story.
54. I maintain a four month calendar on my office wall. I’m thinking about getting a 12 month one.
55. I’m a planner. I like to know specifics ahead of time.
56. I don’t always handle money well, although I’m much better than I used to be.
57. I hate confrontation, but will meet it head on if you push me far enough.
58. I think asparagus tastes like dirt.
59. I once ate dirt as a child, so, yes I actually know what dirt tastes like.
60. I won’t eat beef leftover. Or any meat really. I can handle chicken if it is in something, but most of the time I don’t like it.
61. I like to take note of what kinds of cars people drive. If I am friends with a person at all, I typically know what kind of car they drive--make, model and color.
62. I hate white cars. Very boring.
63. I loathe camping of any kind. Too much camping as a child I think.
64. My pink phone is actually two different shades of pink, which drives me crazy.
65. The guys that have liked me in the past have all been sort of creepy.
66. I was once (well, really more than once) hit on by a guy named Rowdy. No that isn’t a misprint, his name really was Rowdy.
67. I once lived in a house with two front doors.
68. One time my family had to unexpectedly move at Christmas time. Since we weren’t going too far, my dad just picked up the already decorated Christmas tree and set it in the back of the U-haul. We only lost a few ornaments on the trip to the new house.
69. I once turned a watch clock (you know those really big plastic watches that you could hang on the wall as a clock?) into a WWF prize belt with some electrical tape, gold glitter and gold pipe cleaners.
70. It annoys me when people talk during movies.
71. If I miss the first 5 minutes of a TV show or movie, I can’t watch the rest of it.
72. My favorite movies to quote are “The Goonies” and “The Other Sister.”
73. I used to own a pair of high top Converse sneakers with pictures of “The Joker” all over them. They were white with purple and green Joker faces. I think I had black ones with yellow Batman symbols too.
74. I have three screws in my left ankle holding my ligament in place.
75. When I was in 6th grade my friends and I played this “game” called “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.” It was really creepy. It may sound crazy, but I think Satan uses games like that to get a foothold in young people’s lives. Never play that game.
76. I have several “best friends.”
77. When I talk about one of my best friends they usually get a tag on the end of their name like, “my best friend from high school” or “my best friend from college.”
78. I am a highly sensitive person. I take everything personally.
79. I am also highly emotional. I cry about everything.
80. I get riled up about anything I perceive to be an injustice.
81. I hate when people make me look stupid. In fact, if you make me look stupid in front of other people, it will make me really angry, really fast.
82. I have a pretty strong long term memory. My short term memory is not as great, but I make lots of lists to help me out.
83. I love strawberries.
84. When I was growing up I really didn’t like milk, but now I love it.
85. My brother has recently named my car “Fireball.” I don’t know why. It makes me laugh every time he says it though.
86. Grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes drive me crazy.
87. I think mentoring and discipleship are some of the most important things we can do as Christians.
88. I have a small collection of teapots. I’m trying to remember why I started collecting them in the first place.
89. I also have a large collection of frog paraphernalia from when I was teaching 5th grade.
90. I had to have spell check fix my spelling of the word paraphernalia. That’s a hard word to spell!
91. When I was in 5th grade I was in a spelling bee, but I lost pretty early on. I misspelled “receive” because no one had ever taught me the “i before e, except after c” rule. I’m still bitter.
92. I think carving pumpkins is super fun, even though it’s really messy.
93. I have done almost everything at my church at one point or another, except lead worship and preach. I’ve led youth, children, college, education and women’s ministries all in my time here.
94. I have two earring holes in my left ear, about 1/16 to 1/8 of an inch apart. I had my ears pierced in 1st grade and let them close up. I had them repierced about 5 years ago, and the girl who repierced them said the originals were uneven, so she straightened them up.
95. I can only wear gold earrings in my ears, otherwise they get infected.
96. I am a pack rat. I keep everything.
97. My favorite vacation ever was the trip I took with my parents to New York City in July 2001.
98. I once got the wind knocked out of me while I was bouncing down my aunt’s stairs on my bottom. It wouldn’t have been a big deal except it was right in the middle of my grandma’s birthday party.
99. I really want a new car. I’m thinking a small SUV like a RAV4 or CRV, but I’m putting it off until “Fireball” is on her last leg.

Unmet Expectations

2008-05-14T09:42:00.002-05:00

I think I am seeing a pattern in my life. I often have really high expectations (of all kinds of situations), which frequently leads to disappointment. This week is no different. I can't write about all the details, but once again, unrealistic expectation has led to great disappointment.

It's a Sad Day in the Neighborhood

2008-05-11T17:35:00.002-05:00

Today was our pastor's last Sunday. Suffice it to say, there were a lot of tears, especially from yours truly, the queen of the criers.

I'm sad, but I'm also looking forward to what the Lord has planned for all of us in the months to come. I know He will be faithful.

Here are a few reasons I am so grateful for my friends, the Forrests:
*They have taught me what it is to see people in grace and how to live in grace myself.
*They have loved me well, for exactly who I am.
*They have affirmed, validated and supported me as a woman in ministry.
*They (all 8 of them) make me laugh!
*They have taught me how to stand up for myself, and they have been willing to defend me when needed.
*They have shown me, by their example, how to serve with humility.
*They have prayed for me, hugged me, and comforted me.

I will miss them, but I know this is just a new step in our journeys, and that I will definitely see them again.

Gifts Galore

2008-05-08T14:35:00.003-05:00

In case you don't know, this is teacher appreciation week (at least at our preschool. Is this a nationwide thing, or did our director just make it up?). To be honest, I didn't know it was teacher appreciation week until students started bringing me gifts the other day. I've gotten flowers, gitfcards to Starbuck's, Mardel and Target, a vase, a potted plant, a candle, a gift set, and chocolate! I'm so grateful for all of my "kids". I love being a part of their lives! I'm ready for this school year to be over, but I will definitely miss them. We have three more weeks left, and then I am done teaching preschool, forever. I'm not going to teach in the fall; I have too much other stuff to keep up with between MRBC and Axis. It's kind of bittersweet for me, but I know the Lord is enabling me to devote more time to my ministry, and honestly, I'm excited about what He has in store!

Laughing

2008-05-05T15:28:00.005-05:00

Today, while on the phone with my dear friend Amy, I laughed so hard I was crying. I wish I could re-tell her story in a way that would do it justice. I'm laughing again just thinking about it. If you want to hear the story, go to Amy's blog and request the wheelchair story. I'm not sure if she will retell it for all of the WWW to see, but there's no harm in asking. Anyway, here is a short list of a few other things that have made me laugh out loud recently:

**Have you seen commercials for a new reality series on Animal Planet called "Groomer Has It"? When I first saw this commercial, I honestly thought it was one of those Geico commercials that poke fun at others. Alas, it was a real commercial, for a real new series. I literally laughed out loud when I realized these people were for real. Dog groomers competing for who knows what. Seriously, what is the world coming to?

**Hanging out with my preschool teaching buddies the other night was an amazing night of laughter. My stomach hurt I was laughing so hard. I would tell you something funny that was said, but I don't remember. All I remember is laughing like crazy.

**Justine Langford ( who is 2 1/2 for those of you who are not acquainted with beautiful Justine) doing her best to avoid eating her food the other night at the Raack's house. We had all just decided that we couldn't laugh at her anymore, because we knew we were only encouraging her silliness at the dinner table, when all of a sudden, "Shackles" came on the radio and she started doing a "chair dance" while making the two pieces of chicken she had in her hands dance to the music. We cracked up. It just could not be helped.

**This weekend I saw a commercial for the WWF. Now, when you just read WWF, what did you first think of? I'm going to bet that your first thought was wrestling (even though it isn't called that anymore). You will be glad to know, that WWF now indicates the World Wildlife Foundation. This was hilarious to me. I don't know why. Probably just me being silly.

Fun Questionnaire

2008-05-04T16:12:00.003-05:00

I copied Melissa! Here are a few fun facts about me. I'm just trying to whet your appetite for post 100! Only 5 more posts to go!

1. Four places I go over and over: work, home, Starbucks, Wal-mart

2. Four jobs I have had in my life: 5th grade teacher, BSM Director, inventory taker, cashier

3. Four people who e-mail me regularly: Melissa, Cindy, Daniel, Blogger

4. Four of my favorite foods: ice cream, chicken, pasta, Taco Bueno

5. Four Places you would rather be right now: at my parent's house (with my brother and his family there too), at Michelle's parent's house (with Michelle and family there), at Tanya's house, in North Carolina with Amy

6. Four places I have lived: Kansas City, MO, Topeka, KS, Newhall, CA, Phoenix, AZ

7. Four TV shows I watch: Top Chef, Law and Order: CI, Law and Order: SVU, Project Runway (i can't wait for the new season)

8. Four movies I have watched more than once: The Wizard of Oz, Miracle on 34th Street (the original), Steel Magnolias, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

9. Four places I have been: Stowe, VT, New York, NY, San Diego, CA, Denver, CO

10. Four things I am looking forward to in 2008: Beka moving in with me!, our family vacation to San Diego!, our family reunion in June!, Amy's wedding in December!!

11. Four Pet Peeves: things that don't match, when children try to tell me what to do, silverware scraping dishes, bad breath

I Love My Daddy

2008-05-01T11:04:00.002-05:00

I was sitting here thinking about my Dad (his birthday was Tuesday) and I thought I would tell you a few reasons why I love him:

1. He has been super supportive and even keel about all the craziness in my life. He has been very encouraging and positive about all of my fears and uncertainties.
2. He is quite possibly one of the funniest people I have ever met. I laugh out loud, really hard, at least once every time I talk to him.
3. He is an amazing cook. He makes the best biscuits in the world. Seriously.
4. He can fix almost anything.
5. He is a fabulous grandpa. My nieces think he hung the moon.

And yes, I actually call him "Daddy" most of the time. :)

Meltdown

2008-04-30T10:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had a total meltdown. I flipped out, yelled, slammed doors and, of course, cried. It was crazy. My life is feeling very stressful and frustrating right now. I think I had just had enough yesterday. I feel like I'm at a point where I just want to say, this is too hard, I don't want to do this and run away. But the Lord won't let me. So, instead I get angry easily, slam doors and yell at people who don't deserve to be yelled at. Doesn't sound like much of a better way to deal with things does it?

The Knights of Columbus Defined

2008-04-28T10:09:00.002-05:00

My friend Melissa had some spare time on her hands so she did a little research for me. Here's what she found out:

The Knights of Columbus is a Catholic men's fraternal benefit society that was formed to render financial aid to members and their families. Mutual aid and assistance are offered to sick, disabled and needy members and their families. Social and intellectual fellowship is promoted among members and their families through educational, charitable, religious, social welfare, war relief and public relief works.The history of the Order shows how the foresight of Father Michael J. McGivney, whose cause for sainthood is being investigated by the Vatican, brought about what has become the world's foremost Catholic fraternal benefit society. The Order has helped families obtain economic security and stability through its life insurance, annuity and long-term care programs, and has contributed time and energy worldwide to service in communities.The Knights of Columbus has grown from several members in one council to more than 13,000 councils and 1.7 million members throughout the United States, Canada, the Philippines, Mexico, Poland, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Panama, the Bahamas, the Virgin Islands, Guatemala, Guam and Saipan.

For me, they will always be the guys with the plumed hats and capes, carrying real swords at Catholic funerals, even though I'm sure they just wear regular clothes to all their meetings. I hope I never see a Knight of Columbus in any other form than in full regalia; it would be such a disappointment.

Tahiti

2008-04-28T09:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was riding in my friend Stephanie's car on the the way to lunch. I was glad to see that she had a box of tissues in her car because yesterday I had a very runny nose. I told her that "my nose was running off my face", which in Cari lingo means that I have a runny nose. Steph replied by asking where it was running to. I thought for a brief moment and then said, "Well, it told me this morning that it was running off to Tahiti, but I convinced it to come to church with me and save me the embarrassment of showing up to church without a nose." Steph laughed at my silliness, but I almost wish my nose had won the argument and we were off sunning ourselves in Tahiti. Not that I like sunbathing, as a rule, but somehow it seems like it might be tolerable in Tahiti.

Who are the Knights of Columbus?

2008-04-25T13:44:00.004-05:00

So, I went to a Catholic funeral today. It wasn't as odd as I thought it was going to be. I actually found it rather interesting, and not so different from a Protestant funeral. There were elements that were different, of course, but overall, it was a funeral; you know, a good summary of the deceased person's life and faith.

I have to say though, I was reminded of how much pre-written, group-recited prayers bother me. I just don't understand the point of them. I just want to talk to God, just have a conversation with Him, and I want to be the one to figure out what I need and want to say. I don't want someone telling me what I should say.

Know what I mean?

It was a good experience though, and I'm glad I went. I learned a few things and was reminded of the basic goodness of the Catholic faith.

Oh, one more thing, coolest part of the whole funeral were the Knights of Columbus in full regalia, including plumed hats and real swords! They followed the casket into the sanctuary at the beginning of the funeral and led the recessional to the hearse. I don't really understand their presence or significance, but they looked really cool!

The Road to 100

2008-04-24T14:55:00.004-05:00

I am greatly anticipating my 100th post. So much so that I have decided to quicken the pace to entry 100 by posting short entries if necessary on a more regular basis. Why am I so excited about post 100? Well, friends, because I intend to share with you 100 random facts about myself. I am attempting to make them new random facts that have never been shared in blog form, and here's the craziest part, I've already started working on the list in a Word document!

This is post 89, so even though I know it will be hard, you're going to have to wait a little longer! ;)

Comments

2008-04-23T10:22:00.004-05:00

It's funny to me that short entries about secret blogs get so many comments! By the way, thanks for the tips about how to journal without it being seen by everyone in the world, and for confirming that my desire to have a secret blog is not crazy!

Secret Blog

2008-04-21T18:33:00.002-05:00

Do you ever wish you had a secret blog where you could write things that you knew no one would read? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love sharing my life with my friends, but sometimes I want to write things that I know I can't because people are reading my blog. Know what I mean? I know, that probably sounds crazy.

It looks like I might be forced to journal the old fashioned way, with a 10 cent spiral and pen.

Moving On

2008-04-20T15:10:00.004-05:00

I finally feel like I can write about what's been going on for the last couple of weeks. Our pastor is moving on to another church. I've known since Easter about his plans to take another church in Texas, and it has been so hard keeping it in. I've told a few friends who I knew would have no contact with anyone from my church, but otherwise, I have kept it a secret. He finally announced it to the church body today, so now it seems okay to write about it here.

I am experiencing such a mix of emotions. I am happy for him and for his family. I am somewhat excited about what I hope are even better things here. But...I'm also sad. I will miss him and his family so much. And I'm scared. There is a lot of uncertainty right now, and a fear that people will leave the church and all that could mean. I'm stressed and nervous and just feeling overwhelmed.

Part of me knows that the Lord is faithful. Well, really all of me knows that, but times like this are when my trust in Him is stretched to the max.

Please pray for my church. There were many tears this morning, many more tears to come. There is already some anger and misunderstanding and gossip. We have many decisions to make and I feel like I will have more responsibility than I really want to have. So, please, pray for us. Thanks friends.

Hey, I'm a Believer Now

2008-04-18T10:13:00.005-05:00

This has been one crazy, hard and yet phenomenally good week. While there have been lots of moments of stress and sadness and difficulty this week, there have also been moments of great joy.

On Wednesday night at my Axis girl's small group, one of the girls, who was not a believer, started asking questions about lots of things. She said there was just a lot she didn't know or understand about the Old Testament and especially about Jesus. We have all been praying for her for so long, so to see her really wanting to know more was such a blessing and an answer to prayer. At her prompting, I began at the beginning, in Genesis and did my best (with the help of the girls in my group) to take her all the way through the major events of the Old Testament to Jesus. We talked about the holiness of God, how sin separates us from a holy God, and how Jesus came to provide a way for us to have a relationship with God. It took about two hours, but she listened intently the whole time and asked questions throughout. With the obvious help of the Holy Spirit and the other girls that were there, the message of the Gospel was made clear to her.

I didn't push her for a decision that night, because I know she is a thinker and would need some time to really process through all of what we had talked about.

The next morning she sent an email to our pastor and told him that she had wrestled to believe for a long time, but as of that morning (Thursday) she was a BELIEVER!! Isn't that amazing?! And it was such the product of two faithful friends inviting her to church, and several of us praying and answering questions for her as best we could over the last several weeks.

When I was growing up, my parents had a tape of some 70's Gospel music that they loved, and I'm not ashamed to admit, I kind of liked it too. There was a song on that cassette that said something like, "Hey, I'm a believer now, since Jesus changed my mind. Hey, I'm a believer now, and everything's going to be fine." Ever since I got word of my friend's new belief, that song has been running through my head. I have no idea who sings it, but I think her story fits the lyrics well.

And this morning, I can't help but think, the Lord is so good to us. He knows just what we need, just when we need it, and that goes for my new sister in Christ, and for me. He knew I would need these moments of joy and rejoicing in His faithfulness to carry me through the difficult times that lie ahead. I can't write much about those things now, but maybe next week.

Psalm 86

1 Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
3 Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
4 Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.
6 Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life—men without regard for you.
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant and save the son of your maidservant.
17 Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

Two Retreats in Two Weeks

2008-04-13T17:01:00.003-05:00

What a crazy couple of weeks it has been. Last weekend was our women's retreat at my church and after much planning and praying, I really think it turned out well. My friends Tanya, Amy, Carolyn, Karen, Lizzy and Addi came and helped lead in various ways and the Lord reminded me of what a talented group of friends He has blessed me with! I couldn't have done it without them or my very faithful and helpful women's ministry team. And while the retreat was awesome, there were few moments for me where I was able to really worship and focus on the Lord. I sometimes get too caught up in all the doing of things, that I can't settle and really try to hear from the Lord for myself. Which is why when my friend Melanie invited me to a different women's retreat this weekend, I agreed!

What a fun time I had going to my "home" church's women's retreat! Melanie and I have been friends since seventh grade when we met at FBC-Mansfield and it was so good to spend time with her and a few other ladies I have known for more than half my life. It was a sweet time of worship for me, and I am so grateful that Melanie invited me to be a part of it.

I was reminded this weekend of how faithful the Lord is to take things which seem hard and ugly and incomprehensible and make them good eventually. So many friends that I grew up with have experienced such difficulty and pain in their adult lives, some related to choices they have made and some that are beyond anyone's control. Some of them are moving past those painful experiences and some are still smack in the middle of them. It grieves my heart when I think of all they have endured: abuse, divorce, life threatening illnesses, marriages in crisis, loss of a child, hopelessness, natural disasters, running from God, broken relationships; hurt after hurt after hurt.

But...God is taking those things and using them for their good, for the good of those around them, and ultimately using them for His glory. My heart still aches for their pain though, and I pray that God would continue to make them whole and make His plans very known and real to them.

"God, who has called us into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, is FAITHFUL..." 1 Cor. 1:9

Sprinkles

2008-04-02T17:50:00.003-05:00

I have been chastised for not keeping up with my blog. So sorry friends. I really don't have much time to write, but just wanted to let you know I am definitely still alive.

Lots of crazy stuff going on, some good, some hard. Keep praying for me, and please pray for our church women's retreat this weekend (April 4-5). There will be 52 of us all together worshipping Jesus, which is super-exciting. I'll try to post more next week.

Oh, just a side note...today I ate the most wonderful cupcake I have ever eaten in all of my life. It was chocolate with what I think was a buttercream icing and white coconut stuck all over the top. When I was paying for it I was thinking, "I can't believe I am paying $3.25 for a cupcake." But as I began to eat it, I thought, "This was only $3.25!"

Yes, friends, it was that amazing.

If you have a "Sprinkles" near you run out and get you a cupcake. I hear the red velvet and ginger lemon ones are also fabulous. :)

My Aliases (Yes I Copied Amy Once Again)

2008-03-16T15:10:00.002-05:00

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Butterscotch Ford
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Cookies and Cream Flops
3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Purple Dog
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Micheal Independence
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Dowca
6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Vanilla Coke
7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Clifford George
8. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Patterson Philadelphia
9. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Spring Peony
10. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing rightnow): Strawberry Hoodie
11. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Coffee Willow

Leadership

2008-03-05T15:30:00.002-06:00

I'm supposed to be working. And, in a way, I am. I've been contemplating lots of weighty things today, especially concerning leadership. And since it relates to all three of my jobs, I think it's ok to take a few moments to record some of my thoughts.

As a leader, I am realizing more and more, that people look to me not only for instruction, organization and advice, but for direction. As much as I don't think I am adequate for such a task, it is true.

When we set ourselves up as leaders, or in a better scenario, when God establishes us as leaders, we have to realize the responsibility that comes with that. People will take their cues from us. They are looking at us, sometimes rightly, sometimes not, to help them know what to do, how to act, where to go or not go. To take our position lightly, to miss this, is to misunderstand what God is really calling us to.

And here is the scariest part...when we are out of step with the direction that God is taking us, the direction that He is taking the group He has entrusted to us, we lead people down the wrong path. It's one thing to choose wrongly for yourself; it is a whole other thing to choose wrongly for others. That is a huge responsibility, one not to be taken lightly.

People are watching us. It doesn't matter if we want to be watched or if we feel unworthy to be watched. If we are leaders, they're watching. So what does that mean? Essentially, I think this has to affect the way we act, the choices we make. Are we choosing for God or for ourselves? Can the ones who are watching answer that as well or better than we can?

You may say, well, Cari, what about liberty in Christ? Are there really standards we have to meet, behaviors that must be denied? That's for you to decide with the help of the Holy Spirit. For me, yes, there are standards to meet, and behaviors that must be denied for several reasons. One, because for me those standards and behaviors are obedience to convictions in my heart. Two, I believe I am called to be set apart, because it is in that separation that I believe the character of Jesus is best manifested in me. And finally, people are watching me. Because I'm a leader, people are watching, and I never want to be the source of confusion, stumbling or misunderstanding.

Do I still struggle? Absolutely. Do I still have sin that manifests itself not only in my heart but in the way I appear to others and in the way I treat them? Absolutely. And I pray often that those sins and issues, those struggles, do not confuse people about who Jesus is, and what it means to follow Him.

Randomness By Request: The Rabbit Story

2008-03-03T09:56:00.004-06:00

This is the happy and sad story of my pet rabbit.

When I was in high school I wanted a bunny. To be honest, I'm not sure why. Maybe because they were cute and I knew some folks who happened to have some for sale. I really don't know. Nevertheless, for one of my birthdays, maybe 14 or 15, I'm not sure, my brother bought me a bunny. If you remember any of my previous posts, you will know that I was obsessed with the colors black and white during this time in my life, so of course, my bunny was black.

Here are some of the embarrassing details about my bunny (keep in mind I was young):
*Because she was black, I decided a cool name for her would be Ebony. But...it is a rabbit after all, so why not, in my mind, spell it Ebunny. Because you write your rabbit's name down all the time, right? Unless you are a total nutcase, who is obsessed about your pet rabbit, you never write your rabbit's name. It isn't like a child, or even a dog. Until this moment, I'm not sure I ever wrote her name, but still, in my mind, it was Ebunny. Cheesy, I know.
*When she was a bunny, I made this strange assumption that she was a girl. As "she" got older, it became obvious that this was not true. But, as you can tell, I still called it a girl. By the time I figured it out, it was too hard to switch.

Now, some random facts about my rabbit:
*I loved to hold her when she was a little bunny because she was so soft and cute.
*As she got older, she was still soft and cute, but she also had these nails that were long and pointy. Very painful. I didn't hold her as often once I started getting all scratched up.
*She lived in a cage that my dad made. In the warm parts of the year her cage sat in middle of our back yard, under the shade of the cedar tree. This is the same cedar tree that our chihuahua Chico once climbed, but that's a story for another day.
*In the summer, she would shed. I never knew before that rabbits shed, but it's true.
*During the cold months we would move her cage behind a wall of the house that blocked a lot of the north wind.
*We put a light bulb in her cage to help keep her warm in winter months.

Here is the sad part of the story:
*Despite our efforts to keep her warm, she died one very cold winter day.
*When I found her she was all huddled up, and the only way I could explain her death was that she froze to death. I'm not sure if that's really true or if she just died.
*We buried her in the backyard somewhere near my hamsters, who strangely enough, also froze to death. I promise, total coincidence. I would never purposely freeze an animal to death. Really.

So, there it is, the happy and sad story of Ebunny the Black Rabbit who met an unfortunate demise.

If you have any other requests for random stories, just let me know. I love to tell them, even if they are sometimes a little sad.

Because I Love Randomness

2008-03-02T10:28:00.002-06:00

Once again following my friend Amy's lead...

Here are some more random facts about me:

10 years ago:
i was a sophomore in college and loving every minute of it. i had just moved in with tanya and i was still head over heels for a fella named chris, who, how shall we say it, was not head over heels for me. :) this was the semester that began the year of glitter, if i am remembering correctly. i was leading a small group bible study with my friend hunter and this was the same semester, i think, that i had a scary encounter with a girl with multiple personality disorder. crazy times, but definitely fun times.

things on my to-do list today:
church
nap
prepare for a meeting
meeting
church
more sleep

what would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire:
buy lots of things and give lots of money to lots of different causes

three of my bad habits:
-i'm lazy. i don't like to put things away, pick things up, etc, so i live in clutter.
-i procrastinate.
-i worry about things that i can't control.

five jobs I have had:
-5th grade teacher
-children's ministry intern
-wal-mart softlines (clothes) associate
-IRS data entry
-winn-dixie cashier

five things people don't know about me:
-at one point in my life (i think i was 9 or 10) i thought it would be cool to be an astronomer. i was really intrigued by planets and stars and such.
-when i was 5 i loved worms. i thought they were really cool. i even tried to keep some in a cardboard box, but they ate through the box and escaped.
-i love mcdonald's chicken nuggets (with sweet and sour sauce). sounds like something a 6 year old would say, i know, but i really do love them. i have no idea why.
-my favorite flowers are peonies, which are really hard to find, except in my grandma's yard in the spring.
-i think joaquin phoenix is super hot. :)

My Big Redneck Wedding

2008-02-24T15:39:00.002-06:00

Has anyone else seen this show on CMT? Oh my goodness, if you haven't, you must find out when it comes on in your neck of the woods, because, well, it is hilarious!

I found myself caught up in the world of redneck weddings yesterday afternoon, laughing myself silly as I sat in awe of the absurdity of all that a redneck wedding sometimes entails.

Let me share with you my favorite portions of one episode. Yes I watched more than one.

In the first one, the bride frantically goes searching all over the house for her teeth. That's right people, I said teeth! Now, having had some recent problems with my own teeth, I don't fault a person for having dentures, I mean sometimes, somethings just can't be helped. What was funny about the whole thing was that she finally just went to the location of the wedding without her teeth. Upon arriving, she greeted her future mother-in-law with a friendly embrace and said, "I can't find my teeth!" to which her loving mother-in-law replied, "Do you want mine?" Oh my goodness, the laughter was not to be contained. Wait, it gets better...

The archway under which this couple got married was not strung in your traditional ivy or plants, no, no friends, it was strung with beer cans and the ever-popular twinkle lights. The groomsmen were all decked out in jeans and matching green John Deere t-shirts, and the bridesmaids, well, to be honest, I don't remember what they were wearing, except that they didn't all match. Although it does seem that two of them were wearing an orange t-shirt, but I missed what they said on the front. One of the bridesmaids walked a basset hound down the aisle with her. I love dogs, but seriously? And here is the best part...

After riding the mechanical bull together at their reception (yes, I'm serious), the bride and groom exchanged gifts. This dude seriously gave his new bride a stuffed animal, but not just any stuffed animal (actually it was a snowman), it happened to be one that he won from the claw game. You know which one I mean? You put in a quarter or two and move the joystick around and descend upon the toy that you want, hoping to snatch it up with the claw and successfully move it to winners hole. And wait until I tell you what she gave him...a pink bowling ball engraved with these words (WARNING: this may be slightly offensive): "Think of me every time you touch your ball."

The funniest part, I watched two more episodes after this one. They weren't quite as funny, but they did involve hunting for the food for the reception and a dress with camo insets and trim. Good stuff people, good stuff.

Oh, and by the way, the chick from the first episode found her teeth before the wedding. Actually one of her friends found them in her luggage. She was able to Fixodent them into place before the ceremony. Sorry to leave you in suspense there.

Wait

2008-02-14T15:02:00.004-06:00

I think it's a bad sign when you are just starting your day, driving to work, and you have to fight back tears, mainly so your mascara won't get messed up before you even see anyone else.

Can I just tell you that for me, this day, this year, really stinks? That's what I was thinking first thing this morning and even some right now. But the Lord is gently reminding that I am loved. It may not come in the way I want it to, but still, I am loved. Just today I had 15 four year olds express their love for me in some form. I wish it was enough. I wish it was a greater comfort, wish that it penetrated that deep desire. But it isn't, and it doesn't.

So I wait.

Wait.

That's what the Lord keeps saying to my longing heart. I wonder sometimes if He knows how weary I am of waiting. Surely He does, and still He withholds.

So I wait.

Some days are just harder, and for me, today is one of those days.

Book Tag

2008-02-13T14:23:00.002-06:00

So...I have been tagged by Michelle for a Book Meme. (Am I the only retard in the blogging world who doesn't really even know what the word "meme" means?) Nevertheless...

Here are the rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

From Spiritual Leadership, by Henry and Richard Blackaby

"Leadership is hard work. There are no shortcuts. Too many people want to be generals, but they don't want to spend any time in the trenches."

That is a good word Mr. Blackaby,whichever one of you wrote it. A good word indeed.

Cindy, Jennifer, Melissa, Tanya and Amy you have been tagged!

I love...

2008-02-01T10:24:00.000-06:00

My nieces. Their love for me is so pure, so sweet, so founded in Truth and nothing else. I love coming into my brother's house after several weeks away from them and having them come running from all parts of the house, hands raised in the air, yelling, "Aunt Cari, Aunt Cari" with huge smiles and great excitement. I love it when they sit in my lap, and let me hold them, for no reason, except that they love me. What a beautiful testimony of what my heart needs to hear.

Worshiping Jesus with abandon. I love it when He reminds me that worship is not about how I feel, or even where I am, it is about Him because no matter how circumstances change, He is constant and deserves our worship.

Having friends who I can cry with. I don't usually love the crying part, but I love that I have friends who will listen intently as I blubber and choke out words that have to be said, even if they can only understand half of it.

My grandma. She is one of the most amazing women I think I will ever have the privilege to know. I love her so much.

Funny stories. I love to tell them and I love to hear them.

Carla Tate. She makes me laugh more than I could have ever realized the first time I watched the movie. It really isn't her that is so funny, but rather all the impersonations of her. It keeps me laughing.

Books. I love books! I have so many books, and truthfully have probably only read half of them. I'm such a nut.

Pens. I feel like I am on a life-long journey in search of the most perfect pen. I haven't found it yet. There have been some good contenders, but it seems like there could always be something better.

Being used by God. It is amazing that He would choose to use the likes of me, but in His grace, He does, and I am grateful.

Vanilla coke from Sonic. I think I have mentioned this before in another blog, but just to be clear, it has to be from Sonic. The stuff in the cans/bottles is just not the same.

And to summarize the words of my amazing friend Amy, it may seem strange to use the word love for so many different things, but I think it's clear that it is a different kind of love for different things. Trust me, I don't love vanilla coke in the same way that I love my Grandma. :)

So what do you love? Make a list; it will do your heart good. :)

Pink Jesus

2008-01-25T14:16:00.001-06:00

Colossians 3:12-17

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

A couple of weeks ago in my girl's small group we talked about Colossians 3 and what it really means to "clothe" ourselves with Christ and make choices for God and not ourselves. As we were talking about all the attributes that we are supposed to "put on" I told the girls that it wasn't just a shawl we were putting on, it wasn't supposed to be something so light, or small, or so easily removed. I said something about feeted pajamas, and that brought up the pink bunny suit from "A Christmas Story".

And somehow, that seemed like a great analogy for what it means to clothe yourself with Jesus. Covered, head to toe. Not easily gotten into, not easily removed. Not always something we want to wear, but if we were to admit it, actually makes us look really cute. :)

"...clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." (Romans 13:14)

When the Truth Smacks You Upside the Head...

2008-01-23T13:07:00.000-06:00

...it hurts. Don't let anyone convince you it doesn't or it won't.

But...it's a good pain. Sometimes it takes a while to see it that way, or to be thankful for it, but eventually it all works out.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose....what, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all--how will he not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:28, 31-32)

Freedom

2008-01-16T15:11:00.000-06:00

I love the feeling of freedom. I love the joy of releasing something, really releasing it, into the hands of the Father, especially when I have held onto it for far longer than He ever intended. I love it when I finally hear Him, really hear Him, and actually listen. Many a tear could have been spared had I listened sooner. But He is gracious. And I am grateful.

When Honesty is Too Much to Handle

2008-01-13T17:18:00.000-06:00

I've come to value honesty, vulnerability, up-frontness (is that a word?).

But I've also learned that sometimes, people can't handle it, don't know what to do with it.

Sometimes, they freak out and push you away. I've contemplated why this is.

Maybe because they are afraid you expect the same thing from them. And they are unwilling.

Maybe because your truth speaks about some truth of their own that they are unwilling to examine, let alone expose.

Maybe because the revelation of your heart causes them to be more contemplative than they would ever choose to be on their own.

I've wondered if maybe I have said too much, revealed too much. But I am just being who God is calling me to be, and I don't think there is fault in that.

And here's what else I have learned. The ones who are true to you, won't run away, won't push away, because they value you too much, value their relationship with you more than they care about some discomfort or exposure. And more than that, they will not only hang around, they will willing seek more honesty from you, and help you trudge through the muck that the honesty sometimes reveals.

Retraction

2008-01-04T11:32:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about what I thought the Lord was trying to say to me from the book of 1 Samuel (ch. 8-16) and the story of Saul becoming and being the king of Israel. My original interpretation of those events was not exactly accurate. Here is a better recounting of the story:

Israel wanted a king. They no longer wanted the government ruled by prophets or judges. They wanted a king to lead them into battle and to protect and lead them. They had rejected the Lord as their King. So, even though He desired for them to make Him King in their hearts, God allowed them a king. He chose Saul to be their king and had Samuel anoint him.

I said before that Saul was not really God’s choice. That wasn’t accurate. Saul was God’s choice. But…Saul screwed up. He was not fully obedient to the Lord’s instructions, did not do what the Lord had told Him to do, so the Lord rejected him as king over Israel, and chose another to succeed him, David.

I indicated before that the Lord’s great desire was to make David their king, but they didn’t want to wait for it. That wasn’t accurate either. The Lord’s great desire was for them to make Him their King. But they would not. So, in love, He allowed them their great desire, even though it meant they would, in some ways, not fully seek Him.

When He warned them about what an earthly king would be like, he was warning them that this king would take from them at least a portion of that which was dear to them, for his own sake. Not necessarily Saul, just a king in general.

So my original application I think was also a little off. Oh well, what can I say, I’m only human. :)

Here is the better application:
The Lord wants my heart. He wants to be the One I seek first for love and security. His great desire is for me to make Him my great desire. And He has a plan to fulfill my second great desire. It is not dependent on how much I love and seek Him, that isn’t grace. No, simply because He loves me, He will not leave it unfulfilled. But, He wants me to be fully prepared for what the fulfillment of that desire will look like. It will take from me at least a portion of the things that are dear to me. I will have to sacrifice and learn to not be so selfish. I think the Lord wants me to know also, that it is ok to ask, ok to want it, but important, for the sake of my own heart, to keep perspective and to keep Him first.

I don’t think the Lord was saying anything about any specific person in my life. I do think though, that there is something more He wants to say about the differences in Saul and David. I’m just not sure what exactly He wants me to learn from their lives. I’m still working on that one. I'll keep you posted. :)

Christmas is coming...

2007-12-21T14:05:00.000-06:00

...the geese are getting fat.
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny,
a half a penny will do,
if you haven't got a half a penny then God bless you.

My grandma has been saying this rhyme to me since I was a a little girl, and I think to my mom since she was a little girl. I don't know where it came from, but whenever someone says anything about Christmas coming, I think of this little rhyme.

I promise you, if I said to my mom, "Christmas is coming..." she would immediately finish it by saying, "the geese are getting fat." And then we would both laugh and at least one of us would finish the rhyme.

I know. We're weird.

Seriously though, I am getting more and more excited about Christmas! I have finished all my shopping for my family and just have a few last minute gifts to get for friends. And I'm excited about my plans for Christmas this year! Here's the plan:

Christmas Eve Service with MRBC and Axis, joint effort. I just know it is going to be amazing!
Quick dinner with friends at Axis.
Drive to my brother's Christmas Eve night.
Christmas with the fam and hanging out with them for the next several days.
I'm hoping that at some point next week I'm going to get a call from Michelle that baby Jack has made his arrival. If so I will definitely take a detour to Houston for a day or so!
I'm also hoping to spend some time with some other friends the weekend before New Years, and then I'm going to a Stars game on New Year's Eve.
The best part--I'm off from December 24-January 1! Amazing!

Well, friends., I'm praying that we all have a fabulous, worshipful Christmas, as we strive to not forget Jesus in all the craziness. Merry Christmas!!

My Nemesis Becomes My Teacher

2007-12-19T09:34:00.000-06:00

For years now my left ankle has decided to carry out its evil plan to cause me not only a few tumbles, but also some significant pain. This past Sunday, it struck again. I was walking through the church foyer, rather hurriedly, when somehow the heel of my shoe slipped on the ceramic tile and my ankle laughed in my face as it turned in ways an ankle never should. Despite the emabarrasment, I have survived. Just a sprain. I didn't go to the doctor...I decided I've done this enough in my lifetime that after a day or so I am pretty adept at diagnosing the severity of the injury. I think it will be ok in a few days. In the meantime I have a slight limp and a purple foot. Beautiful.

Interestingly, here are a few good things that have come from the ankle's plans for evil. When I fell on Sunday, there were so many people surrounding me. First to help me up off the floor (so embarrasing!), but also to get ice, find Advil, get a cup of water, bring me my things, sit with me, comfort me, and just love on me. Since then, people have called and emailed to check on me, several times.

And maybe you are wondering why this care seems so significant to me, or why it has blessed my heart so much. I also contemplated this, and here is what I think the Lord wants me to learn. I really am loved by the people He has surrounded me with. A few months ago a friend told me that I needed to realize how much people really do love me, and how much God loves me, no matter what my issues are, no matter how I struggle. I told this friend that I believed, wholeheartedly, that the Lord loves me, which I think was mostly true, but I also said to this friend, that what I really questioned was not God's love, but people's love. Was it true? Was it real?

Now, friends, please believe that this has nothing to do with you, or how you have treated me. Not at all. This doubt was not founded in the truth of who you are or the beauty of our friendship; it was founded in lies that Satan wanted me to believe about myself, and my unworthiness, and the lie that no one can really be trusted. But, over and over again in the last several weeks, the Lord has poured out, not only His love for me, but opened my heart to see and believe the love that surrounds me in the friendships He has blessed me with and the people He has put in my life.

What an amazing God--continually speaking the Truth into my life in so many ways, even in a strong arm to lift me up, a cup of water, a bag of ice, a phone call, a text message, an email, a hug, eyes of concern, words of love. Beautiful.

2007

2007-12-14T09:38:00.000-06:00

I totally stole this idea from my friend Tanya...but I thought it was fun so here's my take on 2007...
1. DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Of drinks from Sonic during happy hour...Alyse.
2. LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (LONGEST FRIEND) Michelle. Is it fourteen or fifteen years, Chelle?
3. NEWCOMER AWARD (NEWEST FRIEND) Karla and Roni.
4. HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR When my niece Emily wrote about me as the person she was most thankful for, for a project at school. :)
5. LOW POINT OF THE YEAR There have been several low points, but the Lord has been faithful in all of them.
6. BEST HOLIDAY The Fourth of July was fun. I got to spend it celebrating Keegan's birthday!
7. YOUR SONG FOR 2007 I'm not sure I can pick just one. Here are a few:
"Marvelous Light" by Charlie Hall
"Vision of You" by Shane and Shane
"Everlasting God" by Chris Tomlin
"Beauty of Simplicity" by ?
8. MOVIE FOR 2007 "Hairspray" without question.
9. WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S WITH? I have no idea. Probably me and my good friend the TV. :)
10. WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN? I didn't dress up for Halloween.
11. BEST RELATIONSHIP This will sound like I'm just giving the Sunday School answer, but I would have to say my relationship with Jesus. There is no other that compares.
12. PARTY OF THE YEAR Ladies' Christmas Potluck and Ornament Exchange, I know I'm really living it up, but it was tons of fun. 34 women were there!
13. BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR To make a concerted effort to be free from the past.
14. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR? To live for Jesus. That's really all I can think of that matters.
15. TV SHOW OF THE YEAR I love LOST, but I'm also really into some of the reality shows on Bravo, like Top Chef and Project Runway.
16. MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)...in no particular order...Michelle, Tanya, Amy, Beka
17. BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR Learning to value vulnerablitly.
18. BIGGEST INSPIRATION OF 2007 Axis Church. I am amazed over and over again to see God changing the lives of the people who are a part of Axis. It is amazing...simply amazing.
19. BIGGEST INSPIRATION OF 2008 I hope it will still be Axis, as we see the Lord continue to change lives.
20. NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS I don't make them. Why set yourself up for disappointment? :)

The Fam

2007-12-12T09:30:00.000-06:00

Clockwise from the left: Megan, Michael, Paula, Katie, Emily, Dad, Mom, and Me.

For anyone who reads my blog, but doesn't actually know me well, Michael is my brother, Paula is his wife and Emily (5 1/2), Megan (3 1/2), and Katie (2) are their children.

We took this the Saturday after Thanksgiving at my brother's house.

Conversations

2007-12-10T09:57:00.000-06:00

Here are some of my recent conversations with Jesus:

Friday
Cari: Why Lord? Why would you bring this person into my life at this particular time?
Jesus: Hello, self-centered one, did you ever consider that perhaps it wasn’t just for your sake. Maybe it was just as much for his sake that I brought him to Axis as it was for yours.
Cari: Ok, but why use him in my life in significant ways during this healing process?
Jesus: Would you rather I have left you the way you were?
Ughh…dagger to my heart.
Cari: No Lord. Thank you for not leaving me the way I was.
Followed by more conversation and, of course, tears.

Saturday
No real back and forth conversation, but I felt like the Lord was speaking His love into my heart, over my life, reminding me that He doesn’t change and His love doesn’t change, no matter how I feel. I was so overwhelmed. And, as you may have guessed, there were tears.

Sunday
Sitting in church getting ready to listen to the sermon, I felt like the Lord was trying to tell me something. I kept thinking about King Saul, so I turned to 1 Samuel to read the story of how he became king.

Israel Asks for a King
1 When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as judges for Israel. 2 The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was Abijah, and they served at Beersheba. 3 But his sons did not walk in his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice.
4 So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. 5 They said to him, "You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead [a] us, such as all the other nations have."
6 But when they said, "Give us a king to lead us," this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD. 7 And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. 8 As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. 9 Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do."
10 Samuel told all the words of the LORD to the people who were asking him for a king. 11 He said, "This is what the king who will reign over you will do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. 12 Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. 13 He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. 14 He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. 15 He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. 16 Your menservants and maidservants and the best of your cattle [b] and donkeys he will take for his own use. 17 He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. 18 When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the LORD will not answer you in that day."
19 But the people refused to listen to Samuel. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us. 20 Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles."
21 When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the LORD. 22 The LORD answered, "Listen to them and give them a king."
Then Samuel said to the men of Israel, "Everyone go back to his town."

There is more to the story of course, but what struck me was how the people refused to listen, and just kept asking for that which they thought they needed. And the Lord allowed them to choose Saul as their king, even though Saul was not His choice to be their king, and even though it was not in His perfect timing. He tried to warn them through Samuel what King Saul would be like, but they refused to see it, refused to listen because their eyes and hearts were so clouded with their own desires. They had rejected the Lord as their king and they longed so much to be like the other nations around them. And they longed for someone to lead them to protect them from their enemies.

God had a plan, a great plan, but they refused to wait for it.

Let’s just say, there was a huge lesson in this story for me. I felt like the Lord was telling me to be careful what I ask for and to really seek out what He longs to give me, not what I think I want, when I want it.

The Israelites desire for a king was not outside of God’s will, but it was outside of His time, and their choice was outside of His perfect plan.

That is huge.

And I don’t want the Lord to relent from His perfect plan for my life, just to appease my angry and bitter heart. I don’t want to be left to my own devices to obtain a husband, to choose for myself that which looks great at the time, only to find out that God had something better in store for me. I don’t want to ignore His warnings and follow after the first one to come along simply because I’m not sure someone else will ever come along.

No, I am choosing to believe that there is a perfect plan. Now, I just have to wait for it.

Angry

2007-12-05T14:44:00.001-06:00

I'm angry with the Lord. Don't worry, I've already told Him. He knows, better than I even know myself.

I just don't understand what He's doing. Nothing makes sense.

Why would He lead me to be being healed from past hurts, encouraging me to be open and vulnerable, only to allow me to be hurt again? Why would He bring someone, though just a friend, into my life at just this time, during these days of healing and reawakened desire for relationship, only to say no? And why would he use said friend in such significant ways, knowing that my heart would become attached, only to withhold?

Why does He bless me with things like a raise that I didn't even pray about, that I didn't even ask for, and yet withhold the thing that I beg for, and that which 20 other people beg for on my behalf?

Does that make any sense? It doesn't to me.

People are full of answers: He must have something better in store. Wait for His timing, it will be so much better. Trust Him to work out the details.

All great advice. All true.

But I don't care right now. I don't want to listen. None of that brings me any measure of understanding or comfort.

I just want to be angry.

The Great Plummet from Socks of Joy to Eyes with Tears

2007-11-30T13:02:00.000-06:00

My heart is hurting.

I'm back to crying tears for myself. Back to wondering what the Lord is really doing. Back to not trusting, back to not believing, and back to being disappointed.

I feel like I have taken one big step forward only to take two giant steps back.

How do you have hope and yet not live in hope? How do you shift the hope from the specific to the general without wondering why you can't have the specific? When will it be my turn? Why can't this be the right one, the right time? Why do I have to be disappointed again?

Not again, Lord. Why?

How will I ever trust Him when it seems He never delivers? No matter how much I beg, no matter how many people beg on my behalf, He withholds.

And because I believed, because I hoped, I guess for the wrong thing, I end up disappointed and hurting.

The Joy of Socks

2007-11-29T14:25:00.000-06:00

For the last three mornings in a row I have had the great joy of pulling a new pair of clean, cushy white socks out of their package and slipping them onto my feet for their inaugural wearing. This is a glorious thing to me. I love new socks right out of the package. It makes me sad when they start to get dingy, pilled with fuzz, and separated from their mate. Socks are never quite the same once they have been worn, but when they are fresh out of the package, they are something to rejoice over. So, I am rejoicing in my new socks.

Do you know what would be amazing? To be able to put on a new pair of socks everyday of your life (except for summer, no socks with flops, of course). I realize I am probably the only weirdo who thinks this would be a fabulous experience. But I'm ok with that. Especially if I got to put on fresh new socks every morning. Of course, I have no idea who would pay for this endless supply of socks, or for that matter, what I would do with the already worn ones. I suppose just wash them and give them away. Or in a perfect world, have someone else wash them, and then give them away. Since, as you know, I despise laundry.

Alas, I only bought a ten pack of socks, so, sadly, this joy will be short-lived.

The Jackson Five

2007-11-26T11:50:00.001-06:00

Okay, I know I have already blogged once today, but this one will be short. I just wanted everyone to know the joy I am experiencing while listening to my Jackson 5 Christmas album. Don't judge. If you heard them sing their fun version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" you would love it too. You may tell yourself that you wouldn't, but that is a lie. I just know it.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-26T09:56:00.000-06:00

I had such a fun time with my family last week! I went to College Station last Tuesday and didn't come home until Saturday. It was fabulous! I got to spend some great time with my beautiful nieces who never cease to make me laugh! We drew pictures, colored, made pumpkin pie, played memory, read books, watched Winnie the Pooh, made Christmas ornaments, cheered for the Aggies, and laughed and giggled a lot!And it was fun being with the adults in the family too...we played cards, watched Transformers (great movie, by the way), cooked, cooked some more, went shopping (craziness!), watched Miracle on 34th St, cheered for the Aggies, played Settlers (I lost, and wondered why I continue to play games that require you to strategize. I'm just no good at strategy games.), and of course laughed just as much as with the kids. In case you don't know, my family is hilarious. All of us. I realize that indicates I am including myself in the funny ones, but I think you would probably agree. :) Every time we are together, there is much laughter.

Anyway, I probably should have done this before Thanksgiving, but here are ten things I am thankful for:

My family.
Friends who love me.
Jesus. He probably should have been first, I guess.
Grace. Especially when we don't put Jesus first on our list of things we are thankful for . :)
That I have been counted worthy to be used by Him.
My church. Both of them.
God's provision (house, car, food, money, etc)
That my friend Jennifer and her family are getting the house they have dreamed about, after so many months (and years) of struggle.
That I am privileged to see God working and changing lives.
My new phone! Sort of frivolous, but if you were to remember the old Nokia phone I have had for about 5 years now, and then were to lay eyes on my beautiful new pink Razr, you would completely understand. It is amazing.

The Church

2007-11-19T14:17:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, I realized that a lot of my prayers were self-focused, and even when I was praying for others, it seemed contrived, not heart-felt. So I prayed that God would break my heart for people. That He woud allow my heart to feel a measure of what they feel and have felt, in order that I might pray out of brokenness for them, not out of some obligation or duty.

Amazingly, He answered.

In the last two weeks I have cried more for other people than for myself. I don't tell you that for my own sake or for my own glory. No. I tell you because I want you to know and understand all that the Lord has done and is doing in my life. To be so moved and healed from my own pain that my heart can take on the pain of someone else is nothing short of a miracle. To cry tears for someone else's hurt, for someone else's struggle is absolutely the work of the Lord in my heart. And while it is easier to deal with their pain than with my own, it is still hard. Hard because there are no easy answers, no quick fixes. Hard because I don't want them to hurt anymore, want them to be whole again. Now. But, it doesn't usually work that way.

More amazing...6 months ago, I would never have been able to be anything for these people. Would never have been able to bear their pain along with my own. Would have no words of wisdom about healing or struggle. But now, praise Jesus, I can and I do. What an awesome God we serve!

All of this has caused me to think about what the church is supposed to be, what it's supposed to look like. Somehow, it seems to me that it should look a lot like my own current experience.

In my Axis Girls Small Group last Wednesday night, we were talking about how it seemed we were all in a similar process. How we were all learning in our own relationships with Jesus about becoming the people He created us to be. How we are all learning about becoming real, honest and vulnerable with each other. One of the girls in my group marvelled at how it seemed all of us were experiencing the same or similar things at the same time.

My response to her was, "I think that's because the Lord is saying to us, 'Are you going to be the church, or not? Are you going to really share everything, be free from the past, and walk in newness of life, side by side with other believers, or are you going keep going the way things are?'"

Do you ever say stuff that surprises even you? That was how I felt. But I believe that is what the Lord is saying to us, not only those of us at Axis, but all of us who belong to "the church."

Are you going to be the church or not?

Are you going to be the church or not?

Somehow, I think He might rather us just say "not", than to play church.

Acts 2:42-47 (MSG)
"They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers. Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved."

Having Your Cake and Eating It Too

2007-11-13T14:14:00.000-06:00

This is not fun when you are the cake. That's really all I have to say about that. It's just not fun.

Pull Out the Shades

2007-11-07T09:06:00.000-06:00

Apparently the recent changes to my blog have caused some shock and squinting. For this, I am very sorry. I was looking for something a little more happy, and since I don't want to pay anyone at this point to design my blog for me and make it super cute, I have to go with what is available for free. I have had a fascination with the color green in recent years, so I chose green. It was a hard choice though, because, as you may be aware, there is also a pink version of this same design. So, from now on, just pull out the shades right before you open up my blog!

Acts 3

2007-11-04T16:21:00.000-06:00

Acts 3:1-16

1One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. 2Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. 3When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" 5So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.
6Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." 7Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. 8He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. 9When all the people saw him walking and praising God, 10they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.
11While the beggar held on to Peter and John, all the people were astonished and came running to them in the place called Solomon's Colonnade. 12When Peter saw this, he said to them: "Men of Israel, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? 13The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of our fathers, has glorified his servant Jesus. You handed him over to be killed, and you disowned him before Pilate, though he had decided to let him go. 14You disowned the Holy and Righteous One and asked that a murderer be released to you. 15You killed the author of life, but God raised him from the dead. We are witnesses of this. 16By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.

This is the passage the Lord keeps taking me back to. For five months now I have been being led back to these verses over and over again, through more vehicles than I can begin to count.

For a long time I could only identify with the crippled beggar. Could only, though the veil of my pain, see myself as crippled, overlooked, rejected, begging at the gate called beautiful. And there are still days where I feel more like that crippled beggar than one who has been healed, but those days are less and less.

And now, as one who is dancing in the joy of the Lord's healing, I can identify with the ones who brought the healing power into the crippled beggar's life. In fact, I think that these recent leadings back to Acts 3 are to encourage my heart toward living such a life--a life that shows people the healing power of God, that indeed, brings it into their lives, by His Spirit and His grace. I am contemplating now, how that plays out, what that looks like as I minister to people, how I reach them at the point of their greatest need.

It seems the Lord has certainly known what He has been doing these last several months, preparing me for a more focused ministry perhaps, or maybe just teaching me how to minister better where I am.

It is a strange and difficult balancing to me. To be real and vulnerable, and yet still lead. Because it seems like I should have to always have it all together in order to be the leader they expect me to be. But what I am finding is that people value the vulnerability, the honesty, more than they value all the details being perfect.

And they love me even when I don't have it all together, even when the details are lacking. It is a beautiful thing.

Overwhelmed

2007-11-02T09:57:00.003-05:00

Wow...it has been an amazing two weeks. I wish that some of you could have been a bigger part of all of it, but since you couldn't, here's a bit of a recap. Get ready, this is a long one....that's what happens when you don't post for two weeks!

Two weeks ago, I had, for lack of a better term, a freak-out moment, where I felt totally overwhelmed by, well...my life. And so after the brief counsel of a very wise friend, I decided I needed to get away, take a mini-vacation, and just forget about the stress of my life and all the things I have taken on. I called my sweet friend Tanya and invited myself to her house. :) She agreed without hesitation, and just knowing that the next weekend would bring a much needed break gave me strength to make it through the next week.

So last Thursday I loaded up the good old Escort with more clothes than any normal human would need for a week--I was only staying two days, but anyone who knows me well, is not surprised by my over packing--and I headed off to San Antonio. Did you know that Dallas is like 5 hours from San Antonio? And since neither my radio or CD player work in my car (Take note people: never buy an Escort, for this reason, and oh so many others), it was a stinkin' long drive. But thankfully I had my trusty cell phone for some fun conversations, and it was an amazing time of prayer and singing of praise songs.

My time with Tanya and her family and friends was so awesome! I laughed so much! And her kids are adorable and hilarious! For some pics of our fun weekend check out Tanya's blog.

It was a much needed weekend of freedom from stress, freedom from people always wanting or needing something from me, freedom from feeling like there are expectations to meet. It was refreshing just to be with people who you know, without any doubts, love you no matter what, people who you know you never have to impress.

When I got home, I realized that the allergies I had been fighting all weekend were quickly getting the best of me. I went to be early, headed off to church Sunday morning, and then came home and didn't leave my house until Tuesday because I was feeling pretty crappy. I slept more than half the day on Monday, which I think was exactly what I needed. It was an amazing day of rest.

So, maybe at this point you're wondering, why did she title this "Overwhelmed"? Well, partially because of the bad overwhelmed I felt two weeks ago, but really because of how I have felt over the last few days, which, thankfully, is a good overwhelmed. Here's a snippet (well, it's more than a snippet, it's actually quite long) of all that is happening in my heart. I wrote this on Wednesday (10/31)
_______________________________________________

Do you ever feel like the Lord keeps bringing the same thing to mind, taking you to the same passages of Scripture, saying the same thing over and over again, and yet you can’t fully grasp what it is you are supposed to be learning? Do you ever think you have it figured out, and then all of a sudden it seems like maybe there is supposed to be more? Only you don’t know what the more is? And you can’t fathom how your heart, your mind, could possibly hold anymore, even if you knew what the more was? That’s where I find myself.

This is what I am learning, what He keeps saying, doing, and coaxing me towards.

It’s something about…

Healing
Not being crippled by the past
Walking
Dancing
Trusting
Fullness of joy
Following wholeheartedly
Not being afraid of the risk
Asking and believing
Believing even when it seems risky
Not taking the safe path

Knowing that He doesn’t always answer the way we expect
Being willing to ask even when it seems impossible
Asking, knowing that my heart might be disappointed
Trying to believe that if I really ask for His will, I won’t be disappointed at His answer
Believing that He is good and yet not safe—what does that look like, what does engaging in the unsafe part of His nature mean for my fragile heart?
Trusting that He will sustain me even when my heart is broken again (I almost wrote if instead of when, but it seems more realistic to say when. Or is it that just cynicism?)
Wondering if the risk of being hurt, of being disappointed, is really worth it
Will He answer the way I want?
If He doesn’t, what does that mean?
How will I ever really trust Him if He allows me to be disappointed yet again?

And so it comes back to…

Healing
Not being crippled by the past
Walking
Dancing
Trusting
Fullness of joy
Following wholeheartedly
Not being afraid of the risk
Asking and believing
Believing even when it seems risky
Not taking the safe path

Sometimes I think too quickly that I have it all figured out, that I have gleaned all there is to glean, that I have done all there is to do, that He has done all He intends to do. Perhaps I am still the same cowering girl I have been for so long. I thought that I had changed. Indeed, maybe I have been changed, but there is still much that He wants to do in my heart. Complete healing for me apparently doesn’t happen overnight, even over a period of months. I still want to walk in the shadows of doubt and fear. I still want to stay holed up in my apartment where it is safe, where no one will question who I am, where no one will break my heart, where no one will really know me. And yet, simultaneously, I want the complete opposite. I want to be known, want people to question who I am, want desperately to be in a relationship so significant that the risk of being hurt is more than worth it.

But I won’t even let myself fully love and trust Him, won’t dive headlong into who He is, into who He wants me to be. I don’t even want to risk asking for what I really long for, because I am afraid His answer will hurt, afraid He won’t give what I so desperately want, afraid to really trust Him, afraid His best doesn’t look the same as my interpretation of His best, and afraid that even if it does, that it is a long time coming, much longer than I want to wait. Yet, I am forced to wait. Wait and hope, and yet I am afraid to hope. Afraid that the hoping will only result in pain and disappointment. Because it has before. The hoping has hurt in the past, has resulted in pain that I could hardly bear, pain that I still bear, pain that still cripples my faith, pain that still causes me to question the point of it, pain that makes me wonder why it was necessary.

Still, I want to trust Him, want to follow with abandon, want for Him to be enough, want to seek His face, not His hand, want to fall head over heels in love with Him, want for my relationship with Him to be glorious to Him and more significant for me than I could ever ask or hope or imagine. I want to know and follow hard after Him, to run wherever He leads, even it seems hard or scary or completely unsafe…simply because I trust the One I am following.
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If you just read all of that, you must be my true friend, because it was quite long, and if you keep reading, I will know for sure, because believe it or not, there is indeed more. Don't worry, I won't be offended if you need to take a snack break before you continue. You might actually need an energy boost to make it to the end of this post. :)

So, now I want to tell you, in case you don't know or need a reminder, that the Lord is AMAZING!! Here's an example (or two, or three):

Two Wednesdays ago during ladies' Bible study and all that day, I had this song running through my head, but could only remember these lines:

To know and follow hard after You,
To grow as Your disciple in the Truth,
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing You my Lord.

And I knew there was more to it, but I couldn't remember the rest, so I just sang what I remembered.

This Wednesday, during ladies' Bible study, another song started running through my head, but at first I could only remember this line:

Give me one pure and holy passion.

And then, all of a sudden I realized that it is all part of one song! Have you ever felt the Lord so present in your mind and heart that you can hardly breathe? Completely overwhelmed ? That's how I felt sitting there allowing the whole song, and the beauty of it, rush back into my mind and heart.

One Pure and Holy Passion
Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me one magnificent obsession.
Jesus, give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You.

To know and follow hard after You,
To grow as Your disciple in the Truth,
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing You my Lord.
Lead me on, and I will run after You.

And then (don't worry, I'm almost finished!) this morning, oh, I wish I could put it into words for you, wish I could fully express to you what I was privileged to experience in the short fifteen minutes I paused to talk to Jesus. There have been times in my life where I have felt the Lord with me, like right next to me, almost physically, but this morning, it was more real than I could ever express. And His voice so clear--wait, wait, wait. And my heart, oh, so overwhelmed that He would love me so much that He would hold me in the waiting that is often so hard.

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

Finally Loving the Weather

2007-10-22T15:08:00.000-05:00

I would just like to take a moment to mark this date in the annals of history. Today, October 22, 2007 is the first day since summer that it has been cold enough to feel winter-like. It is the first day I have worn a sweater, the first day I have listened to Christmas music, and finally, it is the first day I have gotten to use the space heater in my office! It is indeed a glorious day! Though it is cloudy and rainy and windy, it is COLD, and for a freak like me who LOVES winter, it is a fabulous day!

Bringing Back the Funny

2007-10-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

I have decided that the funny version of myself has been absent from my blog for far too long, so, in an attempt to bring back the funny, let me just say...I don't know if I've mentioned this...but...I HATE LAUNDRY! I'm sure you can guess what task I am currently loathing to accomplish. I wish there was someone who I could pay to do it for me. Like in "Hairspray"? Remember? Her mom is a "laundress", which by the way, has to be one of the worst jobs I can think of. I wish there was a laundress around here, then I could pay her with all the extra money I don't have to do my laundry for me. :) That would be amazing. And while she was at it, maybe I could talk her into doing the dishes, and mopping, my two other most hated household tasks. If I ever get rich, you can be assured that I will never be doing any of those three things ever again.

Here's some more kind of funny stuff. Sorry if this is not meeting your funny standards, I think I have to work my way back into it. :)

In my class of four year olds, I have a little girl who is always saying random stuff. One day she just walked up to me and said, "I'm a banana." And then grinned really big and skipped away. The other day my assistant teacher her heard her singing something to herself, the end of which she understood her to be singing, "and then we'll all have a beer." So funny! And she's always making silly faces. The funniest part about her to me, is that she knows she is hilarious. Most four year olds that I have met don't have a well developed sense of humor, but this girl, is stinkin' funny, and she knows it.

I'll keep working on the funny. I know there is more stuff to tell, I just have to remember it. I'll keep you posted.

Things I Understand Better Today Than a Few Weeks Ago

2007-10-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

The Lord loves me with an everlasting love.
I am redeemed, loved, pursued and used by Him.
He has made me beautiful (and has led me to actually believe the Truth of that statement, most days).
Insecurities don't change overnight, but Truth consistently penetrating the lies changes them over time.
Jealousy is indeed a monster, changing the way you treat people and making you act like someone you never want to be.
His grace is sufficient for even my jealous heart.
People can be trusted. At least some of them, some of the time. I'm still working on this one. :)
I am loved by many. Sounds arrogant maybe, but for me, it is a comfort to my soul.
We are His glory-bearers and this magnifies His beauty and ours.
Baring your soul, laying your heart bare, to a few trusted people and to the Lord, brings healing to a hurting heart.

The Big 5-0

2007-10-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not turning 50.

But this is my 5oth blog post! I wanted to write something funny, but there isn't a lot of funny around here today. I don't want to detail all the things that have happened in my little corner of the world this week, but just know that there is much sadness at the loss of a very precious little boy who was a part of our church's preschool. If you want the whole story, you can read my friend Jennifer's blog.

For some reason, writing in my blog does not come easy these days. I think there are just lots of things going on with me that I don't want to advertise on the internet. Some people are more brave than me, more willing to bare their souls to the world via the www. But not this kid.

So...sorry for the lack of posts and the lack of interesting topics. I just need a little while to sort through things on my own. Maybe someday I'll broadcast them to the world, but for now I'm keeping it very low key.

Well, so much for an interesting 50th post. Better luck next time. :)

My Crazy Life

2007-09-30T21:10:00.000-05:00

Oh, my long neglected blog! My deepest apologies for the lack of recent entries, but my life has been crazy to say the least. Nothing super extraordinary has happened, in fact, most things have been rather ordinary, there have just been lots of ordinary things taking up an extraordinary amount of time and energy. And unfortunately, my blog has fallen to the bottom of the list of things to attend to.

Here's a rundown of my week last week:
Monday--up at 6:30, workout, at work by 9:30, work until 5:30, Axis leadership meeting at 7:30, hanging out with friends until midnight
Tuesday--up at 6:30, at preschool 8-2:30, office until 7:00, home
Wednesday--up at 6:30, workout, work 9:30-5:30, Axis girls small group 7-10
Thursday--up at 6:30, at preschool 8-2:30, office until 5:30, meet a friend for dinner at 6, another friends birthday party at 8, home at midnight
Friday--up at 7, workout, work 10-2:30, feeling kind of sick, go home, sleep for 3 hours, feeling much better, hang out with friends 8:30 p.m.-2:30 a.m.
Saturday--up at 9:30, laundry, relax, fix late breakfast of french toast (yum!), at church at 2:00 to setup for ministry fair on Sunday, Axis church setup, church, hanging out 5:30-10:30
Sunday--up at 6, at church at 7:15 to finish all setup for ministry fair, church until 12:30, lunch with friends, nap, back at church 4-6, veg out in front of the TV, finish laundry, update blog

This is all more than you probably wanted to know. I promise, I won't share my schedule with you anymore, because I'm sure it is quite boring to read through, but I wanted you to understand the fullness of the crazy busyness of my life. Now, let me assure you that I know I bring some of this on myself. I realize that no one is twisting my arm to stay out with friends until midnight or later, but somehow, those times help alleviate the stress of the rest of it. Without a doubt I am stressed. I know this is once again one of those times when I have taken on way too many things. But I am already committed and give up any of them just doesn't seem like an option. And while I have gotten a few naps in here and there, let me also assure you that I am so tired right now, I can hardly keep my eyes open, but alas, I am waiting for that last load of laundry to finish up so I can go to bed.

On top of everything, this is one of the most spiritually and emotionally intense periods of life I have gone through in a long time, which just adds to the weariness. I don't want to write about all of it here in my blog, but know that while the Lord is definitely working in my life, it is far from easy. So pray for me, please. Pray that the Lord would continue to mold me and change me. And pray that I make wise use of my time, while balancing friendships and times of rest.

Jello Legs

2007-09-21T16:24:00.000-05:00

So i joined a gym. I know, crazy.

This morning I went in for my first lesson on what I should do and a refresher course on how to use all the leg machines. I say a refresher course, because, it may surprise you to know that I took weight training in high school. I wasn't a power lifter or anything, I was just trying to take the P.E. credit that would require the least amount of running. Anyway, back to this morning...

The girl at the gym showed me 6 different machines to use on my leg workouts and I had to do 3 sets of 15 for each machine. By the time I finished that, I was ready to go, and I was concerned that my legs might buckle right underneath me. But my time was not finished. Oh, no. She then tells me that she wants me to try to do 30 minutes of cardio (treadmill, bike or elliptical). I almost told her no, but I prayed quickly and believed with all my heart that the Lord was able to keep me upright. So, I hopped on the treadmill for 25 minutes (I figured since I had walked over a mile by that point, that five minutes weren't going to make a lot of difference.)

I can't tell you how many years it has been since I was on a treadmill. I had conveniently forgotten about the fact that once you push STOP, it stops suddenly, but your body still feels like it's moving. And not only feels like it is moving, but almost wants to keep walking in the pattern it has been in. As I turned and stepped off the treadmill, I was so off kilter that I thought for sure this was the moment I was going to bite it, big time. I walked so slowly to my car, willing my legs to move, and praying, "Lord Jesus, please don't let me fall down." Thankfully the Lord heard my prayer and answered by allowing me to make it to my car, where I promptly collapsed and chugged half a bottle of water.

All day it has seemed to take a conscious thought to get my legs to function properly. I can't wait until next week when I get to start my arm routines--somehow it seems more important to me that my arms continue to function normally. We'll see what happens Monday. Don't be surprised if my next entry is titled "Jello Arms".

Lessons Learned

2007-09-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

This week I have been reminded of and/or learned several things. Here are a few:

Michelle and her family love me very much. I was able to spend some time with them the other night, and it was such a sweet time. I held her little boy Keegan and got to help give him a bath and put him to bed. Michelle and I talked about some really important things and I was able to be real with her about what is going on in my life. It was so good to hang out with her family.
The Lord has made me to disciple women. I was reminded last night at the first meeting of my Axis girls only small group that this is what I love more than anything, and it is somehow, by the Lord's grace, what I'm good at.
Some hurts will never fully heal, but they can scab over really good, so that you aren't so distracted by the pain of them anymore, at least as long as the scab doesn't get torn off. But Satan is always picking at it, trying to open the wound all over again.
Beka is one of my greatest friends because she will listen to everything I have to say, and encourage me in whatever is happening in my life. And I love her for it.
God is powerful and He can do anything!

More Randomness

2007-09-17T13:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently many of you really enjoy it when I share random facts about myself. I happen to sort of like it too, so here are a few more.

When I was a kid I used to have a "Care Bear" room. Curtains, sheets, bedspread, blanket, the works. Incidentally, that blanket is still one of my favorite blankets in the world, because it is so soft, but I have forced myself not to use it anymore because it is full of holes and I can't bear the thought of it completely falling apart.
My favorite movie snack is popcorn with lots of butter, and of course a Coke.
One time when I was 4 or 5 I tattled on my brother about something he didn't do, and my grandma took a switch to him. She doesn't know that I lied about it to this day, but my brother does. I still feel kind of bad about the whole thing.
The summer after I graduated from high school I lived with my friend Michelle and her family. My parents had moved north of Dallas and I didn't want to find a new job just for the summer, so I stayed with Michelle and kept my job at the Winn-Dixie.
I still remember the Winn-Dixie theme song. "Winn-Dixie. Low-prices. That's our promise, that's our way. America's supermarket...oh, I just forgot the end! Darnet. Maybe it will come to me later.
When I was in Kindergarten I rode a short yellow bus home from school. Not because I was "special" but because it was a really small town and there weren't very many kids riding the bus home in the middle of the day.
In high school my friends and I defaced national property with sidewalk chalk. The park rangers were not very happy with us and made us clean it all up.
I hate returning things to the store, even if the return is completely justified. If my mom is around, I'll get her to do it for me.
I used to like to play in the mud when I was a kid. I would make all kinds of things out of mud.
I used to get sick almost every day during the second half of my kindergarten year because everyone in my class knew how to read and I didn't. It was as sad as it sounds, trust me.
My mom was a great comfort to me during those tumultuos days. When I came home from school she would fix me lunch and we would watch Days of Our Lives together (it was the 80's, soap operas were not as bad then as they are now).
I used to like to watch Sesame Street in my parents room. I would sit on their bed, in the laundry basket, watching Sesame Street. I thought this was great fun.
We once lived in a house with burnt orange carpet.
I hate roller skating.
I like to bowl, but I am a really bad bowler, even though I took two semesters of bowling in college!

I think this is my fourth entry containing random facts about me. If you missed the others here they are: 29 Random Facts About Me, What a Weirdo, and of course the entry that immediately precedes this one.

I Have Been Tagged!

2007-09-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog

OK, here goes, eight random facts about me, which I will try not to duplicate from any previous entries.

I keep a purple koosh ball on my desk at work. I have had it since I was in elementary school. It is great for kids who visit my office, and every now and then I just need something to toss around. I also used to use it in my classroom when I was teaching 5th grade as an incentive to raise your hand and answer the questions asked.
The only piece of jewelry I typically take off is my watch. I leave my rings, earrings and necklace on all the time--to bed, in the shower, etc. I wear bracelets from time to time, but they are taken off whenever I change my clothes. Usually when I get home I do three things before I do anything else--take off my shoes, put on my pajamas, and take off my watch.
When I was little we had a Cocker Spaniel named "Butterscotch" but we had to give him away because we found out I was allergic to him.
I used to have to take allergy shots. I started getting them in 3rd grade, 3 shots, twice a week. I eventually built up to one shot every 3 weeks or so by the time I was in high school. By then I guess I had built up my immunity. I still have some allergy problems, but they are minor compared to what they used to be.
When I was in college my friends and I would paint our faces and wear shirts with spray-painted letters on them to the football games to support our team.
I have been known to carry on conversations in a "Carla Tate" voice. If this is a lost reference for you, go watch The Other Sister.
I like to hold on to something when I am going to sleep. Typically these days it is just a pillow, but it wasn't very long ago that it was a big stuffed frog. In the past it has been a big stuffed bear, and many other stuffed animals.
When I was 4 or 5, I had this red plastic Christmas bell that played music and lit up to the tune of the music. I loved this bell! I used to sleep with it! I have no idea why, but there are pictures to prove it--thanks Mom and Dad.

Amy and Tanya you have been tagged!

To All The Lurkers

2007-09-12T12:16:00.000-05:00

I have this idea that I am popular enough to have lots of people who read my blog. I am convinced that there are lots of you out there who enjoy reading my blog, but for whatever reason do not want me to know that you are reading it. To you I say, with great love in my heart, stop lurking! Let me know you are here! Or at least bring me down from this delusion. Leaving comments is not hard, and just think about the joy you could be bringing to my heart with a simple hello.

I will admit that leaving comments is sometimes a difficult thing for me, even on the blogs of people I love dearly. I want them to know that I am indeed reading and I am aware of the snippets of their lives they are sharing, but I don't want to sound fake. I don't want to leave little comments just to leave comments. I want them to be words that encourage, affirm, and love. Maybe blog comments shouldn't take that much thought.

So, here are my conclusions. To my blogging friends, I will stop to say hi more often in your comment sections, even if it is something simple, and to my blog-reading friends, I would love it if you would do the same for me.